TheBanyanTree: Dane Pain 

[Barb Edlen]

For most of the uniquely-Dane-pain related things that usually happen each day, I am stoically calm about the many common place occurrences. 

An exuberantly happy Dane tail whipping thru the air at the speed of at least 62 mph making contact with my leg? I don't even flinch. I'd like to think that it's because I am just THAT badass.....but, well, in reality I think it's simply that those nerves are now numb to the pain that causes visitors to whimper in surprised debilitating pain. (The root word of whimper is, after all, wimp, ya know.) 

Great Danes are called Velcro Danes because they do indeed attempt to be as close to their human pack members as is physically possible. This may not necessarily mean that it is *feasibly* possible, but pfffft - 'tis a mere trifling detail to their hugely affectionate & devoted selves. So. This means a giant paw may accidentally step on my bare foot. And it always, ALWAYS feels as if all 126 pounds of Dane weight has centered itself on top of my foot. I normally handle this happenstance with nary a blink of a twitching eye, by calmly commanding said Dane to "Move over, sweetie." (If I neglect to add the "sweetie", she thinks I mean move away for-freakin-ever, which somehow translates into no longer loving her 🙄🙄, and she won't budge. But, by adding just that one simple endearment, she politely shifts her weight and circulation is once again restored to my badass foot.) 

Visitors - and sadly this includes family members who are very Dane aware - yell in pure panic with wild-eyed gestures and loud exclamations, while said Dane leans into them now scared and in need of affectionate reassurance, which, duh, causes them to shift their weight onto That. One. Paw., exponentially increasing the pain level of the screamer. (This is called Natural Consequence and garners no sympathy from me, altho' I pretend to extend effusive compassion. It's the mom in me. 😇) 

The One Thing that does cause me to wince/flinch in tense anticipation of unmitigated straight-from-hell pain is when Willow carries a giant Nylabone in her happy & affectionate wanting-to-share mouth. Because. She Randomly drops the freakin' heavy giant (no exaggeration!) bone and God Help You if your poor defenseless foot happens to be in the path of it, because gravity is indeed a bitch, and you will most likely pass out from the pain. My badass self (unfortunately) remains conscious as I limp around muttering about Nylabones and Lego's being from the same depths of barefoot-pain-hell.

✿*ﾟ‘ﾟ･.｡.:*