TheBanyanTree: Understanding Suicide

[David]

On 5/7/2014 5:59 PM, Monique Colver wrote:
> I’m sick of talking about myself and my damn feelings. Please talk about
> you. Tell me what you’re doing, how the kids are, what the family’s up to,
> how work’s going. Tell me all your stories, fill up that empty space with
> your words, help me regain my connection to a world that I feel I’ve lost
> touch with. Help me back from the abyss.
>
> And I swear I’ll make you laugh again.
>
> M
I can tell you plenty. From the ambulance to the exit door of the psych 
ward. But the main thing I can tell you is that I got better. Still, 
with the ups and downs. But so does everyone, I just happen to panic at 
intense feeling. Sort of a PTSD of being depressed. Of being suicidal. 
For all I knew I was dead. Waking up alive in the ED was a surprise. So 
everyday since has been a sort of gift.

Still married to Bonz the amazing supportive wife. Still seeing my 
therapist and pdoc after all of these years. Still hanging in there, 
floating along. The thing about the darkness is it doesn't last forever. 
Really, I can promise that. I can promise it because you are still here. 
You have a fighting spirit. No suicide is not selfish. But there is some 
spark in those of us who manage to get past it. Some fight. True grit, 
as they say. It doesn't feel like it, but it's there.

This will sound absolutely ridiculous, but I stopped pushing against the 
darkness. I didn't give in, I just made friendly with it. Didn't learn 
to live with it, but made it learn to live with me. I didn't rise above 
it, it just got bored with me. It really really happens. You'll make it 
up those stairs. It will be worth the wait...

Dave Seaman