TheBanyanTree: Bouncing Back

[Pam Lawley]

she amazes me!!!!!!!!!



On Tue, Jun 3, 2014 at 5:21 PM, Jena Norton <eudora45 at sbcglobal.net> wrote:

> I wish I were as brave as you and able to "share" when I'm slipping into
> the abyss. I usually feel I shouldn't bother people with this. I'm going to
> try to follow your example. And I'm finding out bouncing back isn't as easy
> as it used to be. Could it be more baggage weighing me down? But I'm
> working on it, day by day.
>
> You do inspire me!
>
> Jena Norton
>
>
> >________________________________
> > From: Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>
> >To: Banyan Tree <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>
> >Sent: Tuesday, June 3, 2014 11:37 AM
> >Subject: TheBanyanTree: Bouncing Back
> >
> >
> >Here’s what they don’t tell you about depression: (Okay, there’s many
> >things they don’t tell you, because who can tell you everything?)
> >
> >After a severe depressive episode, bouncing back is not in any way
> bouncing
> >back, and the damage from being at your lowest is hard to repair. It’s no
> >walk in the park. I didn’t wake up one day with the world all bright and
> >cheery. I lost my confidence while I was gone, laid it down neatly on the
> >road and let it get run over. It wasn’t really a road, more a
> superhighway.
> >Once I put it down there was no getting it back.
> >
> >This isn’t the kind of thing you can tell people, because unless they’ve
> >experienced it, they don’t get it. It also doesn’t look good for my
> >business.
> >
> >“Dear Client, I lost all my confidence, just thought you should know.”
> >
> >No. You can’t tell them. You really can’t tell many people because as we
> >all know, people like people who are happy and positive, not anxiety
> >ridden, not doubtful, not scared. That’s what we’re told, isn’t it? But
> not
> >me, no, I tell everyone, because I am lacking in common sense. That, and I
> >take the shreds of feedback I get and try to piece them into a whole. And
> >yes, we all know it has to come from within, but we can’t negate the
> >outside feedback. It’s so important, at least for me, because I’m more
> than
> >my experience. (Luckily for me.)
> >
> >So there I am – at my lowest, my confidence trying to make a comeback,
> >trying not to scare off all my clients because I need the work, and trying
> >not to rely on the anti-anxiety meds because I so want to be able to deal
> >with this on my own.
> >
> >Anti-depressants are enough, I think. The anxiety is because I lost my
> >confidence and need to get it back, and no amount of meds will make up for
> >that. I have to do that on my own.
> >
> >You can ask me: all my peers are smarter, more accomplished, better at
> >everything. I’ll tell you the truth. Some of my peers are my very good
> >friends, so I should know. My friends are awesome. I’m not even sure how
> >someone like me ends up with such awesome friends.
> >
> >If you would ask me, I would tell you that from this vantage point,
> >everyone has their shit together, except me, but I’m only seeing a narrow
> >view, a small sliver of life. The depression has taken away my sight, the
> >ability to see beyond my own basic needs. It sucks, pretty much, to be in
> >this place.
> >
> >Every day is a fight to come back to the land of the living, and every day
> >is progress, but it’s still hard. It’s an uphill climb, but every now and
> >then I see bright flashes of light, or muted rays of light through the
> >darkness. I still have awesome people around me, and the ones who don’t
> >want to hear about it weren’t really friends to begin with, were they?
> >
> >Each day I wake up and tell myself that I too can live a life without
> being
> >ashamed of who I am.
> >
> >And each day I come a little closer to believing it.
> >
> >
>