TheBanyanTree: Out of Character

[Monique Colver]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I'd be worried about her too. I have a postcard
for her -- it says:

You are a masterpiece. I don't know how it happened, but somehow you came
out exactly as you should be, a living, breathing, masterpiece. So take
care of yourself, because we can't afford to lose you.

Send me her name and address and I'll send her one.

Heck, I've got a pile of them. I'll send one to anyone who wants one.




*We appreciate your referrals!*

Monique Colver
Colver Business Solutions
www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
monique.colver at gmail.com
(425) 772-6218


On Thu, Aug 7, 2014 at 2:56 PM, Theta Brentnall <tybrent at gmail.com> wrote:

> I don't fall into deep depressions, so I really can't understand this, but
> you have taught me how real, how terrible, how devastating it is and for
> that I thank you. There's a young woman I know that I'm worried about.  Her
> husband's family members are the "just get over it"' types.  I've tried
> telling them things I've learned from you - that they can't expect her to
> just snap out of it; that they need to be less judgmental; that the best
> thing they can say is 'I'm here for you'; that they need to help her find
> help.
>
> They look at me like I'm speaking some alien, incomprehensible language.
>
> "She's just being selfish.  She can deal better if she really wants to."
>
> The only thing I can do is tell her over and over that I'm willing to
> listen any time and that her family is wrong to be so dismissive.  I only
> hope it's enough.
>
> Theta
>
>
> On 8/7/2014 9:49 AM, Monique Colver wrote:
>
>> Home <http://mcolver.wordpress.com/> » Uncategorized
>> <http://mcolver.wordpress.com/category/uncategorized/> » Out of Character
>> Out of Character
>> Posted on August 7, 2014
>> <http://mcolver.wordpress.com/2014/08/07/out-of-character/> by Monique
>> Colver <http://mcolver.wordpress.com/author/mcolver/>
>>
>> Jennifer Huston has been found, her death ruled a suicide.
>>
>> Missing Woman Found
>> <http://www.opb.org/news/blog/newsblog/missing-dundee-
>> mothers-body-vehicle-located-in-yamhill-county/>
>>
>> Her husband says it’s out of character for his wife.
>>
>> Of course it is.
>>
>> He gets a pass though — what is he supposed to say while people clamor to
>> know what happened and didn’t he notice?
>>
>> “But she didn’t look depressed.”
>>
>> Good point. Because depressed people have never been known to hide it so
>> well that no one knows.
>>
>> That was sarcasm, in case you weren’t sure.
>>
>> Other people are calling her selfish, and are suspicious of what has been
>> reported, as if they have some deep mystical knowledge of what was in
>> Jennifer’s head before this.
>>
>> No knows what’s in another person’s mind. We can guess, and we can
>> surmise,
>> and we can be told what they’re feeling and thinking, but we still never
>> know the whole story because nothing is that simple.
>>
>> At least nothing as complicated as people.
>>
>> And if a mother of two says she’s depressed, how many people will say,
>> “But
>> you have two adorable children! You have nothing to be depressed about,”
>> as
>> if the two things were mutually exclusive, as if a person can’t have joy
>> and depression in their lives all at once.
>>
>> As if anyone can explain something like this.
>>
>> We like explanations, and we like to have answers, and if we don’t have
>> them, if we feel like we’re missing pieces, we make up the answers and we
>> insist we know, or we insist there’s something else going on, because we
>> don’t want to believe that depression can claim someone so seemingly easy.
>>
>> I don’t think there’s anything easy about it, myself. It’s hard and
>> painful
>> and when someone takes that step to suicide they’re experiencing so much
>> pain that I can’t imagine it. I don’t want to. Maybe that’s why people are
>> so quick to judge or look for other explanations. They don’t want to
>> imagine the kind of pain someone must be in to consider that option. I
>> don’t want to imagine it. I’ve been in dark places where I had trouble
>> finding the exit. It’s not something I want to think about anymore.
>>
>> And for every person who says, “Well, I would never do that,” good for
>> you.
>> Good for most people who would never do that. But we’re all different, and
>> depression is a mental illness that kills. If you’ve never had it, good,
>> I’m glad.
>>
>> If someone is depressed, they need help. They don’t need judgment, and
>> they
>> don’t need people telling them that if only they were mentally strong
>> (whatever the hell that even means) they’d overcome it. Depression is
>> real,
>> and it hurts, and it’s like being in the bottom of a deep dark pit, and
>> you
>> can’t see the handholds along the side that others have used to crawl back
>> up towards the light. All you can see is the darkness and the pain.
>>
>> If you ever feel that depressed, talk to someone. Or any depressed, for
>> that matter. There are things that can help. People can help. Therapy can
>> help. Meds can help. Hanging on for just another day can help, because
>> everything is temporary and the next day might be a little bit brighter.
>>
>> Talk to people. I talk about my depression to the point of annoying
>> people,
>> and no one has ever said to me, “Just suck it up, buttercup, and stop
>> being
>> so whiny.” Maybe they’re thinking it, but that doesn’t hurt me at all.
>> Even
>> if they said what they’re thinking, it’s not going to hurt as much as the
>> pain of the depression. Nothing hurt as much as that.
>>
>> My heart goes out to Jennifer Huston’s family and friends. They’re trying
>> to understand something that can’t be understood, and they’re looking for
>> answers to questions that no one can answer, except perhaps Jennifer.
>> (“Jennifer, what were you really thinking?”) No one knows.
>>
>> The mystery of life, and death. No one knows.
>>
>>
>