TheBanyanTree: Stories

[Indiglow]

Bob loves to quip "The one who dies with the best stories wins!"  I laugh, but know there is a bit of truth in that.  When we treasure our stories, and the stories of others, we are somehow more connected.
J
 

________________________________
 From: Russ Doden <russ.doden at gmail.com>
To: A comfortable place to meet other people and exchange your own *original* writings. <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> 
Sent: Tuesday, December 10, 2013 8:40 AM
Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: Stories
  

I find this thread about "stories" to be . . . wonderful.  There are some
people out there that people just intuitively know they can talk to and
they need to tell their story to.  Monique is one of them from all
accounts, as is Jim's significant other Linda.  There are a lot of us it
seems.  Yeah, us.  I'm one too.  Often when I go to a restaurant the server
tells me all about what is going on in their life - and they often say
something like "I don't know why I'm telling you all this."  I tell them
that they do know, they just need to be heard!  The reaction is sometimes
astounding.  They will stand there and say, "You are right!  How did you
know?" or something like that.  If the restaurant is slow, they may talk
longer - and sometimes even bring a dessert - on the house - as a thank
you.  I've come to consider this "normal" what ever normal is.

In my "retirement" years, I have become a "Well Being Consultant" teaching
classes on topics like Meditation, Learning to live in the Present,
Re-Claiming Your Personal Rights, and so forth, as well as teaching Reiki.
I work part time on Saturday afternoons at a local Metaphysical Book Store
and Herb Shop.  I've become the resident Reiki Master there as well as
taking care of the herb inventory.  It seems I spend little time behind the
cash register, but a lot of time helping people find what they are looking
for when they come by.  Often what they are looking for has nothing to do
with what they came in to get!  It seems that every time I'm there, people
tell me something along the line of "I need to talk to you more - how do
you know so much?"  I tell them I know nothing, that they are the ones that
are coming up with their own answers, I'm just helping them hear
themselves.

As has been wonderfully pointed out here in the Tree lately, between Jim
and Monique, there is a vast difference between "being sorry" about
something and having compassion for someone.  I don't feel sorry for
anyone, but I have compassion for those that are or have experienced events
that were a challenge.  I also realize that those events are part of who
they are, what contributed to how they perceive the world.  When I tell
people that they don't remember any events in their live accurately, they
challenge me.  They KNOW that they remember it accurately because it
happened to them.  I gently remind them that an event has no emotion, we
are the ones that put emotion to an event, and that emotion is based on our
past experiences.  We see things through a "fun house mirror" of our own
perceptions of past events, fears, wishes, etc., and view the future
through those same distortions.  With a lot of work, we can be aware that
our perceptions are distorted and make allowances.  The distortions are
still there though!

I find peoples stories to be amazing.  Sometimes the stories are full of
challenges and hardship, and other times they are filled with joy and
laughter.  The words of my story have been absent for the most part here in
the Tree for some time.  Perhaps the words are returning from their long
absence.  Our stories have so much worth and value and they need to be
shared.  Perhaps it is through the sharing that we all see our own
distortions, perceptions and value our own stories more!  I find it
interesting that native peoples of all countries have such a rich oral
tradition of telling stories.  This is what keeps them together as a
people.  We, here in the Banyan Tree, have a rich oral tradition, for some
of us going back several decades, that keeps us together.  I think I will
try to tell my stories and contribute more often.

Russ



On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 5:32 PM, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>wrote:

> Aw shucks.
>
> I'm reading The Chaneysville Incident right now -- and I think, "now
> there's some writing!"
>
>
> *We appreciate your referrals!*
>
> Monique Colver
> Colver Business Solutions
> http://www.colverbusinesssolutions.com/
> monique.colver at gmail.com
> (425) 772-6218
>
>
> On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 1:27 PM, auntiesash <auntiesash at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Your story about stories reveals more than many people can in a story.
> > (that sentence worked in my head...)
> >
> > sash
> >
> >
> > On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 10:48 AM, Monique Colver <
> monique.colver at gmail.com
> > >wrote:
> >
> > > If I ask you for your story, will you tell me? Or will you look at me
> as
> > if
> > > I'd lost my mind, because who does that?
> > >
> > > If I tell you my story, will you accept it for what it is, or will you
> > feel
> > > pity? I can see pity, whether you say it out loud or keep it inside.
> You
> > > can't hide it.
> > >
> > > If I tell you that mostly I don't know why I'm living, will you back
> away
> > > and go look for more pleasant stories?
> > >
> > > We don't tell our stories because we don't trust that the person we're
> > > telling them to will not only keep our stories safe, but will not use
> > them
> > > for their own purposes. We don't trust that you'll look at us
> > differently,
> > > if you really knew.
> > >
> > > We tell as much as we can bear, and then we pull back, because there's
> a
> > > chance we may tell too much, and we don't want to tell anyone else
> parts
> > of
> > > our story because if we do, it might be true, and then we can't ignore
> it
> > > any longer. Best to let sleeping dogs lie and not disturb the dark
> > things.
> > >
> > > Some don't have darkness, they don't have secrets, and they're happy to
> > > tell all they know. But is it? How can we know? What if they don't know
> > > their own story, and so what we hear isn't the story at all, but what
> > > they've told themselves is the story?
> > >
> > > We can never really know what the story is. A simple recitation of the
> > > facts isn't a story, it's not the core, it's not what makes us who we
> > are.
> > > The date I was born and the circumstances of my birth do not tell
> anyone
> > > who I am. What can tell you who I really am? Only I know everything
> about
> > > me, and I'm abnormal in the oversharing department. Most people are far
> > > more private, because who can we really trust? Or they don't want
> anyone
> > to
> > > know, and they have their own reasons, whatever they are.
> > >
> > > I do some online support of people with depression. Not enough to
> matter,
> > > but it matters to me. They don't like to tell their stories because
> when
> > > they do, people pull back, or tell them what to do to fix it, when it's
> > not
> > > easily fixed, not like that, not from someone who doesn't know. They
> > don't
> > > like to tell their stories because of the looks that they get, the
> looks
> > > that are supposed to be laden with compassion but instead come across
> as,
> > > "you poor fool, you," a sentiment that is not helpful.
> > >
> > > People as a general rule want to be connected to other people, but when
> > we
> > > have to hide how we feel we're not connecting, we're just passing by.
> > We're
> > > constantly encouraged to be happy, to look at the positive side of
> > things,
> > > to remember these important life lessons, but people don't work that
> way.
> > > People don't dispel long standing depression by only thinking happy
> > > thoughts.
> > >
> > > Here's my story: When I'm alone at night and my husband is out of
> town, I
> > > wish there was someone I could call, I wish there was someone who gave
> a
> > > crap that I was alone and not liking it, but there isn't. I wish
> someone
> > > would come watch a movie with me, or go out for a drink with me, but
> > there
> > > isn't, not here. Sure, if I lived there, or there, or there, but I
> don't.
> > >
> > > It's not the whole story. It's just part of the story.
> > >
> > > What I hear from depressed people is that no one reaches out to them to
> > see
> > > how they are. Perhaps they've exhausted all their avenues. Perhaps no
> one
> > > really cares. I don't know them well enough to know. But I tell them
> that
> > > we still have to reach out and make the effort, because if they won't
> > come
> > > to us, we have to make the effort.
> > >
> > > And then I don't because I'm not certain anyone would care, and I'd
> > rather
> > > not find that out.
> > >
> > > But I tell them that anyway because any little bit we can do to reach
> out
> > > decreases the possibility that somewhere someone is waiting too.
> > >
> > > And sometimes I do, and sometimes it's okay and sometimes it's not.
> > >
> > > People are more than stories. Stories are a start, but we're far more
> > than
> > > the stories that we tell.
> > >
> > >
> > > m
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > "I didn't need you, you idiot. I picked you. And then you picked me
> back."
> > -- John Green <https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1406384.John_Green
> >,
> > *Paper
> > Towns*
> >
>



-- 
Enjoy Life By Living In Joy

Well Being Consultant
www.rldwbc.com