TheBanyanTree: Stories

[Jim Miller]

Thanks Russ.  Great thoughts.
Jim
On Dec 10, 2013 8:40 AM, "Russ Doden" <russ.doden at gmail.com> wrote:

> I find this thread about "stories" to be . . . wonderful.  There are some
> people out there that people just intuitively know they can talk to and
> they need to tell their story to.  Monique is one of them from all
> accounts, as is Jim's significant other Linda.  There are a lot of us it
> seems.  Yeah, us.  I'm one too.  Often when I go to a restaurant the server
> tells me all about what is going on in their life - and they often say
> something like "I don't know why I'm telling you all this."  I tell them
> that they do know, they just need to be heard!  The reaction is sometimes
> astounding.  They will stand there and say, "You are right!  How did you
> know?" or something like that.  If the restaurant is slow, they may talk
> longer - and sometimes even bring a dessert - on the house - as a thank
> you.  I've come to consider this "normal" what ever normal is.
>
> In my "retirement" years, I have become a "Well Being Consultant" teaching
> classes on topics like Meditation, Learning to live in the Present,
> Re-Claiming Your Personal Rights, and so forth, as well as teaching Reiki.
> I work part time on Saturday afternoons at a local Metaphysical Book Store
> and Herb Shop.  I've become the resident Reiki Master there as well as
> taking care of the herb inventory.  It seems I spend little time behind the
> cash register, but a lot of time helping people find what they are looking
> for when they come by.  Often what they are looking for has nothing to do
> with what they came in to get!  It seems that every time I'm there, people
> tell me something along the line of "I need to talk to you more - how do
> you know so much?"  I tell them I know nothing, that they are the ones that
> are coming up with their own answers, I'm just helping them hear
> themselves.
>
> As has been wonderfully pointed out here in the Tree lately, between Jim
> and Monique, there is a vast difference between "being sorry" about
> something and having compassion for someone.  I don't feel sorry for
> anyone, but I have compassion for those that are or have experienced events
> that were a challenge.  I also realize that those events are part of who
> they are, what contributed to how they perceive the world.  When I tell
> people that they don't remember any events in their live accurately, they
> challenge me.  They KNOW that they remember it accurately because it
> happened to them.  I gently remind them that an event has no emotion, we
> are the ones that put emotion to an event, and that emotion is based on our
> past experiences.  We see things through a "fun house mirror" of our own
> perceptions of past events, fears, wishes, etc., and view the future
> through those same distortions.  With a lot of work, we can be aware that
> our perceptions are distorted and make allowances.  The distortions are
> still there though!
>
> I find peoples stories to be amazing.  Sometimes the stories are full of
> challenges and hardship, and other times they are filled with joy and
> laughter.  The words of my story have been absent for the most part here in
> the Tree for some time.  Perhaps the words are returning from their long
> absence.  Our stories have so much worth and value and they need to be
> shared.  Perhaps it is through the sharing that we all see our own
> distortions, perceptions and value our own stories more!  I find it
> interesting that native peoples of all countries have such a rich oral
> tradition of telling stories.  This is what keeps them together as a
> people.  We, here in the Banyan Tree, have a rich oral tradition, for some
> of us going back several decades, that keeps us together.  I think I will
> try to tell my stories and contribute more often.
>
> Russ
>
>
>
> On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 5:32 PM, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com
> >wrote:
>
> > Aw shucks.
> >
> > I'm reading The Chaneysville Incident right now -- and I think, "now
> > there's some writing!"
> >
> >
> > *We appreciate your referrals!*
> >
> > Monique Colver
> > Colver Business Solutions
> > www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
> > monique.colver at gmail.com
> > (425) 772-6218
> >
> >
> > On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 1:27 PM, auntiesash <auntiesash at gmail.com> wrote:
> >
> > > Your story about stories reveals more than many people can in a story.
> > > (that sentence worked in my head...)
> > >
> > > sash
> > >
> > >
> > > On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 10:48 AM, Monique Colver <
> > monique.colver at gmail.com
> > > >wrote:
> > >
> > > > If I ask you for your story, will you tell me? Or will you look at me
> > as
> > > if
> > > > I'd lost my mind, because who does that?
> > > >
> > > > If I tell you my story, will you accept it for what it is, or will
> you
> > > feel
> > > > pity? I can see pity, whether you say it out loud or keep it inside.
> > You
> > > > can't hide it.
> > > >
> > > > If I tell you that mostly I don't know why I'm living, will you back
> > away
> > > > and go look for more pleasant stories?
> > > >
> > > > We don't tell our stories because we don't trust that the person
> we're
> > > > telling them to will not only keep our stories safe, but will not use
> > > them
> > > > for their own purposes. We don't trust that you'll look at us
> > > differently,
> > > > if you really knew.
> > > >
> > > > We tell as much as we can bear, and then we pull back, because
> there's
> > a
> > > > chance we may tell too much, and we don't want to tell anyone else
> > parts
> > > of
> > > > our story because if we do, it might be true, and then we can't
> ignore
> > it
> > > > any longer. Best to let sleeping dogs lie and not disturb the dark
> > > things.
> > > >
> > > > Some don't have darkness, they don't have secrets, and they're happy
> to
> > > > tell all they know. But is it? How can we know? What if they don't
> know
> > > > their own story, and so what we hear isn't the story at all, but what
> > > > they've told themselves is the story?
> > > >
> > > > We can never really know what the story is. A simple recitation of
> the
> > > > facts isn't a story, it's not the core, it's not what makes us who we
> > > are.
> > > > The date I was born and the circumstances of my birth do not tell
> > anyone
> > > > who I am. What can tell you who I really am? Only I know everything
> > about
> > > > me, and I'm abnormal in the oversharing department. Most people are
> far
> > > > more private, because who can we really trust? Or they don't want
> > anyone
> > > to
> > > > know, and they have their own reasons, whatever they are.
> > > >
> > > > I do some online support of people with depression. Not enough to
> > matter,
> > > > but it matters to me. They don't like to tell their stories because
> > when
> > > > they do, people pull back, or tell them what to do to fix it, when
> it's
> > > not
> > > > easily fixed, not like that, not from someone who doesn't know. They
> > > don't
> > > > like to tell their stories because of the looks that they get, the
> > looks
> > > > that are supposed to be laden with compassion but instead come across
> > as,
> > > > "you poor fool, you," a sentiment that is not helpful.
> > > >
> > > > People as a general rule want to be connected to other people, but
> when
> > > we
> > > > have to hide how we feel we're not connecting, we're just passing by.
> > > We're
> > > > constantly encouraged to be happy, to look at the positive side of
> > > things,
> > > > to remember these important life lessons, but people don't work that
> > way.
> > > > People don't dispel long standing depression by only thinking happy
> > > > thoughts.
> > > >
> > > > Here's my story: When I'm alone at night and my husband is out of
> > town, I
> > > > wish there was someone I could call, I wish there was someone who
> gave
> > a
> > > > crap that I was alone and not liking it, but there isn't. I wish
> > someone
> > > > would come watch a movie with me, or go out for a drink with me, but
> > > there
> > > > isn't, not here. Sure, if I lived there, or there, or there, but I
> > don't.
> > > >
> > > > It's not the whole story. It's just part of the story.
> > > >
> > > > What I hear from depressed people is that no one reaches out to them
> to
> > > see
> > > > how they are. Perhaps they've exhausted all their avenues. Perhaps no
> > one
> > > > really cares. I don't know them well enough to know. But I tell them
> > that
> > > > we still have to reach out and make the effort, because if they won't
> > > come
> > > > to us, we have to make the effort.
> > > >
> > > > And then I don't because I'm not certain anyone would care, and I'd
> > > rather
> > > > not find that out.
> > > >
> > > > But I tell them that anyway because any little bit we can do to reach
> > out
> > > > decreases the possibility that somewhere someone is waiting too.
> > > >
> > > > And sometimes I do, and sometimes it's okay and sometimes it's not.
> > > >
> > > > People are more than stories. Stories are a start, but we're far more
> > > than
> > > > the stories that we tell.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > m
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > "I didn't need you, you idiot. I picked you. And then you picked me
> > back."
> > > -- John Green <
> https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1406384.John_Green
> > >,
> > > *Paper
> > > Towns*
> > >
> >
>
>
>
> --
> Enjoy Life By Living In Joy
>
> Well Being Consultant
> www.rldwbc.com
>