TheBanyanTree: Stories

[Monique Colver]

No, I don't feel sorry for you. I don't feel sorry for anyone. What I said
was, "I'm sorry you had to go through that," which isn't the same thing as
feeling sorry for you. We've all had painful life experiences. I wrote a
book about it. Some people know that about me, and some don't.

I know a really really nice person, and I avoid her. She's so nice that I
can't stand it, because if she knows that I'm in pain, which I sometimes
am, she gets the saddest puppy dog look at on her face, as if someone had
just stamped on her ant farm. It makes me want to scream. Once we were at a
conference, and I was limping around because at the time my knee was acting
up. Every time I saw her, which was every hour or so, depending, she'd look
at me with those big sad eyes and ask, "Is it better yet?"

Finally I had to say, "Please stop asking me that -- it's just bad, and
it's not getting better for awhile, especially since I'm running around the
conference on it."

I don't feel sorry for people, I only express a version of empathy that
they had to experience it, which some people take badly.

I'm sorry.

I won't do it again.

Really.

I'm very sorry.

So, so, sorry.

You have no idea.

Really.

:-)






*We appreciate your referrals!*

Monique Colver
Colver Business Solutions
www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
monique.colver at gmail.com
(425) 772-6218


On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 6:51 PM, Jim Miller <jim at maze.cc> wrote:

> I chuckle when you say that people tell you things. That happens to Linda.
> Especially men talk to her and confess all the desperation in their lives.
> She wants to tell them to please, just shut up. I don't want to know this.
> I don't need to know this. But being the gracious person that she it, she
> listens and nods.
>
> To all: I would ask a favor. Never be sorry for me because I had a life
> experience. Life is difficult at best. For me, any challenge is an
> opportunity to learn and grow. I consider them my adventures, and welcome
> the next one. An occasional break would be nice.
>
> I recognize that many revel and thrive in sympathy from others. It almost
> defines them. Until just recently, I have been devoid of empathy, because I
> believed that I was responsible for the person I am. therefore, I am
> responsible for my failures regardless of the source. Why aren't others?
> I'm slowly changing me. I can have empathy.
>
> I believe that being sorry for me is sympathy. I don't want sympathy.
> Empathy is the ability to understand the difficulty that I am experiencing.
> I can't trust sympathy, but if you show empathy, I know that you are there
> to listen if I need to talk.
>
> I know this is simplistic, just PLEASE, never be sorry for me. Protect the
> vulnerable, help the destitute and desperate. I will stand with you until I
> can no longer stand. Just don't be sorry for me.
>
> Jim
>
>
> On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 5:53 PM, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com
> >wrote:
>
> > You think I would be surprised? I would not be surprised at all -- people
> > tell me a lot of things. People tell me horrendous stories, but not
> because
> > I'm a stranger. I don't know why they tell me.
> >
> > None of us are the same as we were three years ago. I'm barely the same
> > person I was three hours ago. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and
> > especially for your grandchildren. I know so many children going through
> > similar things right now, and so many who have, and sometimes I think
> it's
> > a wonder any of us survive.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > *We appreciate your referrals!*
> >
> > Monique Colver
> > Colver Business Solutions
> > www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
> > monique.colver at gmail.com
> > (425) 772-6218
> >
>