TheBanyanTree: I Have Issues

[Laura Hicks]

On Sun, Dec 1, 2013 at 4:17 AM, Janice Money <pmon3694 at bigpond.net.au>wrote:

> So this really nice, friendly fellow asked
> me my age and, for the first time, I had to say it out loud.  It came out
> easily enough but then I started to feel an odd feeling that I can't really
> describe without feeling odd all over again.  Disgust?  What's there to be
> disgusted about in being my age?  Disbelief?  What reason do I have to
> disbelieve it?  Maybe it's just that I've arrived at what always seemed so
> far off, that my body has become what I don't want it to be - old,
> unreliable, wrinkly - and the proof is in that number.
>

This is one issue I don't suffer with. Yeah, I have issues, I guess
everyone does, but aging is not one of them. No, I don't like that I can
either see far away OR up close, but not both. I don't like that every time
I try to pick something up with my right hand, my arm goes numb (something
snapped when I was pushing the lawn mower back in September and instead of
getting better, it's getting worse). I don't like that, while I still have
all my parts, there are chunks missing from some of them, which impairs
their function. But I don't mind getting old. It's all part of the
experience. I think folks who deny their age are missing out on an amazing
part of life.

I've always relished each stage of life. I enjoyed being a young adult,
with the challenges to be faced. I loved being half of a young married
couple. I loved being a working woman, bringing in the majority of the
family income. I loved being a new mom, a stay-at-home mom, a mom of young
children, a mom of teens, and now, a mom of grown kids. I loved having my
kids with me 24/7, but I also love having them gone - one in the dorm all
week, and one married and in his own home. And now I love being a "retired"
mom/teacher turned house frau.

I turned 50 this year, and I was so, SO proud of myself! I lived to be
50!!!! Amazing!! I'm excited about this next stage of life, this "old age"
thing. I really don't mind the wrinkles, the saggy skin, the grey hair, the
ubiquitous little skin growths and spots, even the stiff joints. I'm not
thrilled about the aches and pains, but they are there to be experienced
and savored. They prove to the world that I got out there and lived, that I
was a participant in life, not just a pickled, stuffed specimen, watching
from a jar on the shelf. I don't like the idea that I might lose my mind,
and that others might be burdened with my care, that worries me a bit. I'm
hoping I'll die before that happens. I worry that I might end up with some
condition which would cause me to be in pain all the time, I'd rather avoid
that as well. Again, I hope I die before that happens.

I don't fear death, or even the inevitable downward spiral leading there.
Death is just another stage of life. Either there is something else after
this life, a whole new stage to experience with joy and wonder, or there is
nothing, in which case I won't notice my lack of self. So what's to fear?

Bring on the issues!

Laura
wolfljsh at gmail.com