TheBanyanTree: Unwelcome Holiday Visitors

[Jim Miller]

Let me assure you, these are most unwelcome guests. They arrive about the
same time every year, despite my every effort to discourage them
permanently. They have obviously discovered the weakness in my ebullient
holiday spirit. They come for the warm ambience and the gourmet food that is
always in a bundance at this time of year.
 
I close the gate, lock the doors and seal the cracks, but still they come to
indulge in my gracious hospitality. In years past, following a good meal,
I've been able to entice them to other accommodations. They have figured me
out. This year, no one has yet been lured to the tasty offerings I have
presented. When one delight fails, I try something different. While
eminently palatable, they have resisted temptation and gone to the pantry to
prepare their own meals.
 
By now, you may have guessed. My visitors are small gray field mice.
Definitely not descended from the lovable Pixar family. I can't fault them
having an acquired taste for the good life, and while I may abide a side by
side habitation, Linda has advised me of a strongly differing opinion. Their
presence is always first observed in the pantry where they have indulged an
appetite for tonight's entre. Of course by then they have enjoy all of our
offerings, but only in sample size. They leave their calling card in mass
quantities. I put out an abundance of Mouse-House Motels and one by one, I
relocate them to that big cheese barrel in the sky.
 
This year is different. We first discovered them after guests dismissed
themselves for the evening, soon to reappear letting us know of other guests
occupying the fluffy snow white comforter and lace pillow covers. Of course,
our embarrassment and humiliations is beyond description. I have placed
lures all about the home, frequently refreshed the fragrant and flavorful
enticements, but all to no avail. The evidence of their residency returns
day after day. This morning, Linda informed me out of a deep sleep that one
rodent family member had boldly scampered across her foot while she was
dressing.
 
Perhaps I should try what the great hunters do. Put out a salt lick and
water, give them time  become over confident, then sit silently and shoot
them. I've thought about engaging the d-con lure, but I fear them retreating
into the old folks home, dying and stinking things up. I'm at a loss. Oh me,
oh my, what ever am I to do?  After 50 years, my marriage may be in jeopardy
if I don't discover a solution to this unwelcome guest problem soon.
 
Jim