TheBanyanTree: Grave Robbers

[Margaret R. Kramer]

A couple of weekends ago, I went out to the cemetery and placed a small
American flag on Ray's grave for Veterans' Day.  I got out to the cemetery
yesterday, and the flag somehow moved from Ray's grave to the grave on his
left.  Hmmmmm . . . 

 

At first, I couldn't believe it was the same flag and then I kept looking at
it and sure enough, it WAS the same flag.  I guess whoever it was thought it
would be OK to slide the flag over one grave and no one would notice.

 

That happens a lot with flags.  Whenever I leave a flag at Ray's grave, odds
are 10-1 that someone will take it within a week of my placing it in the
ground.  I suppose people get out to the cemetery and realize they didn't
bring flowers or anything, so they grab a flag, thinking no one will notice,
and stick that flag in their own loved one's grave.  Flowers can be too
unique to steal, but flags are all the same, except for the size.

 

At first, I was going to take it and throw it away.  Then I was going to
take it and put it back on Ray's grave.  And, finally, after thinking about
it, I just left it where it was.  That's what Ray would have done.  It isn't
that big a deal.  Whoever took it didn't mean any harm; they were just being
thoughtless.  

 

Ray knows the flag was for him and he also was one of the most generous
people I've ever known, so the flag stayed where it was.

 

On the job front, my project came to an end after three years, so I had to
find another project.  My boss was kind enough to give me basically six
weeks' notice, and also gave me permission to look for a job while I was
still at work finishing up things, so I searched.

 

I hate looking for jobs.  I have a great resume, so all I had to do was add
to it.  But I hate sticking myself out there, hoping someone will bite and
ask me in for an interview.  Then I had to put on my business suite and act
perky and passionate and knowledgeable and totally cool to impress someone
to hire me.

 

I'm lucky, because what I do is in demand, although recruiters told me that
there is still a good deal of competition.  I did have several interviews.
Sometimes I wasn't the selected candidate.  Other times, especially in
interviews when I really thought I did well, the job was eliminated.
Probably job elimination was the related to the jitters employers feel about
the fiscal cliff.  We're all ready to go over and hit the rocky bottom.

 

Every day I would get up, plod through job listings, make phone calls, get
phone calls, and try to remain optimistic.  

 

I got a call a few weeks ago from an IT consulting company.  I met the
recruiter at a coffee shop and the preliminary interview went well.  Since I
last looked for work three years ago, it seems most companies will conduct a
telephone HR screening interview.  If you pass that then they'll schedule a
telephone interview with the hiring manager, and finally if you are really
awesome, then you get to come in and meet everyone in person.

 

Later that evening, I had a telephone interview with the hiring manager.  We
clicked.  I was going up to the North Shore for a few days, so we scheduled
an interview with the team when I got back.  

 

I met the team.  We all were high fiving each other and I started the job
two weeks ago.  It took me a total of two months to land a job.  I was
actually only out of work for two weeks.  That's not too bad.  Three years
ago, it took me 10 weeks to land a job.

 

The salary is good, so I can maintain my lavish lifestyle.  The job is in St
Paul and my commute is minimal.  I have a HUGE cube in a quiet area of the
office.

I really like my team so far.  For the first time in three years, a team
member asked me to have lunch with him on Friday.  My last team was a little
weird and uptight about social relationships, so it was always awkward to
get together in a social manner, and there were other personality issues as
well, but this team is much more grounded and comfortable with themselves,
and that makes interacting with them more comfortable for me, too.

 

We went to Taco Bell and just chatted about all kinds of different stuff.
He's 32, married, and the father of an eight month old boy.  It's so great
getting outside my socially limited box.

 

I've never had trouble connecting with my coworkers in the past before, so
it was strange to spend three years kind of socially isolated at work.  That
was probably one of the best things, one of those new door opens kind of
things, when my projected ended.

 

I used my self-cleaning oven thing yesterday to clean out my dirty oven.  I
love self-cleaning ovens, except that the house gets pretty hot since the
oven runs high heat for almost five hours and the initial fumes can be
strong.  But all I had to do once the oven cooled down was to vacuum it out
and sponge out the inside.  The oven looks brand new again!

 

Joe and I cleaned out the refrigerator, too.  I always keep the food under
control, but the shelves and the interior needed a good scrubbing.  Now the
fridge looks new, too.

 

Oven and fridge cleaning are two jobs that are right up there with job
searching.  I don't like doing any of them.

 

I'm hosting Thanksgiving for the first time since 2007, the last
Thanksgiving Ray was alive.  I've been getting strong grief pangs this past
week.  I suppose that it's the holidays, when all those memories of what
was, what is, and what will be start colliding in a major way, and I realize
how much the what is and what will be isn't the same without Ray. 

 

Dead people sure know how to ruin holidays.  They are still with us as we
carve the turkey, but it would be nice if they would be able to join us at
the table.  

 

Sometimes my brain doesn't realize Ray is gone, and I'll end up setting a
place for him at the table.  It's amazing how losing someone so close and
dear can continually affect our lives, even five years later.

 

I have Ray's Christmas wreath and stand ready to go.  After Thanksgiving,
I'll go out to the cemetery and place the wreath next to Ray's stone.  The
wreath isn't a flag, so it should remain safely next to Ray until Christmas
is over.  I hope.

 

Margaret R. Kramer

margaretkramer at comcast.net <mailto:mmargaretkramer at comcast.net> 

www.linkedin.com/in/margaretkramer

 

The harmonizing of opposing forces is a key aspect of yoga - hot energy is
united with cool energy, strong with soft, and masculine with feminine.


- Tara Fraser