TheBanyanTree: And then the Bus Died...

[Theta Brentnall]

Every wedding deserves a story like this, and it's great that you were 
there, camera in hand to document it for posterity.  Sounds like MM and 
Fuz are off to a good start.

Theta

On 5/2/2012 2:14 AM, woofie wrote:
> There we were, sitting in the Party Rocket Bus in the middle of the 
> night and the beer had almost run out. Scrabbling for the remaining 
> supplies could have got very nasty, very quickly, but we were 
> distracted by nasty smoky smells permeating the cabin.
>
> OK, so it could have been caused by Melbourne's famous sewerage works, 
> which trust me are pretty deadly due to the waste products of some 
> absolutely awful beer called VB (why does any sane person of average 
> intelligence drink that crap?) but this time they weren't.
>
> Someone decided to put on some music. We were supposed to sing to it 
> -- "Bad boys, bad boys, wot yer gonna do?" We didn't know what to do, 
> dammit and there were no "Cops" around to help us!
>
> Someone else with more nous than the rest of us, decided to open a few 
> windows.
>
> That should have been the smart thing to do, but it wasn't.
>
> Clouds of evil smelling fumes poured in through the windows, adding 
> one hundred fold to the fumes already choking us.
> There was only one thing for it. We had to leave the bus, stat!
>
> There was a stampede to the front of the bus -- beers left forgotten 
> (for Aussies to leave beer behind means that the situation was indeed 
> dire!).
>
> Unfortunately, there was no exit! The door would not open! We were 
> trapped in the Party Rocket which smelled like it was about to live up 
> to its name and shoot flames out of its bum!
>
> So, there we were, stuck in a bus what was about to explode any 
> minute, with a tearful bus driver (it was her first week on the job) 
> revving the guts out of the engine, because, as she had diagnosed 
> correctly, the brakes on the bus were not getting air and without air, 
> the brakes could not be disengaged. Running the engine normally would 
> increase the air pressure to the brakes, but so far it was not working.
>
> What was worse was that the bus doors worked on the same system -- ie 
> they needed air pressure to open. No air pressure meant they stayed 
> firmly shut, like a sulking clam shell.
>
> OK, the situation was now very very dire!
>
> But then, like Superman, the White Knight, The Phantom, The Lone 
> Ranger and a few other assorted heroes, MM (AKA Muscle Mutt, AKA fruit 
> of the conjugal loins) came to the rescue!
>
> Being born double-muscled at birth (like genetically modified cattle 
> in research - his anatomy did cause quite a stir in medical circles 
> when he was born), he was able, using superhuman strength, to wrench 
> open those recalcitrant sulking clam shell doors.
>
> With MM heaving and straining and the sinews in his neck bulging. we 
> exited the bus in quick succession. Two likely lads remembered to drag 
> the esky out with the remaining beers. It is good to see that the 
> younger generation are able to be responsible and able to appreciate 
> life's priorities:)
>
> Once we were safely out of the Party Rocket, it was easy to see why it 
> was not going anywhere.
>
> There was an ominous hissing noise over one wheel. There was a leak in 
> one of the hydraulic gadgets!
> All that compressed air the bus driver was furiously creating was 
> leaking out into the atmosphere!
> There was NO WAY that bus was gonna release its brakes anytime soon!
>
> What to do?
>
> We were all laughing, but the bus driver was justifiably crying, cuz 
> she had a bus which would not move and a mob of passengers she could 
> not move and it was, as I said before, her first week on the job.
>
> Again it was MM to the rescue! This time he had assumed the guise of 
> the organising army officer ( I am so glad I did not discourage the 
> lad joining Our Man's Army) and he sorted us out into groups and had 
> given us all orders to direct the backing of the bus etc.
>
> With that he leapt back into the fray (aka the Party Rocket, sadly 
> misnamed) and held something down with even more brute strength while 
> the bus driver reversed the bus with the brakes screaming their heads 
> off.
>
> Having successfully reversed the bus in the pitch dark without hitting 
> anything, Our Hero leapt off the bus (was that a cape we saw, or was 
> it just a cloud of smoke?) and left the driver to force the bus 
> forward into town with full brakes on...
>
> All we could see between clouds of smoke and the brake tail lights was 
> the sign on the back... "Just Married"...
> W:)
> PS.. am I proud of my male offspring ( who was nicknamed "Away with 
> the fairies", by his teachers at school (quite justifiably, I might 
> add, cuz he was the dreamiest most impractical kid ever!)) -- yes I am!:)
> PPS... Pics here:
> http://woofess.smugmug.com/Family/bus/22714711_p7N9Nk
> Apologies for poor resolution but it was pitch dark, dammit! One pic 
> of MM wrestling the bus to his will and second pic of two brave lads 
> rescuing the beer, complete with leaking esky...yes, I know one of 
> them was a Haggis eater and I have no idea how come why, but you will 
> be relieved to know he was wearing tartan undies. Third pic of 
> Smartarse helper and fourth pic of trapped passengers:)
>
>