TheBanyanTree: And then the Bus Died...

[woofie]

There we were, sitting in the Party Rocket Bus in the middle of the 
night and the beer had almost run out. Scrabbling for the remaining 
supplies could have got very nasty, very quickly, but we were distracted 
by nasty smoky smells permeating the cabin.

OK, so it could have been caused by Melbourne's famous sewerage works, 
which trust me are pretty deadly due to the waste products of some 
absolutely awful beer called VB (why does any sane person of average 
intelligence drink that crap?) but this time they weren't.

Someone decided to put on some music. We were supposed to sing to it -- 
"Bad boys, bad boys, wot yer gonna do?" We didn't know what to do, 
dammit and there were no "Cops" around to help us!

Someone else with more nous than the rest of us, decided to open a few 
windows.

That should have been the smart thing to do, but it wasn't.

Clouds of evil smelling fumes poured in through the windows, adding one 
hundred fold to the fumes already choking us.
There was only one thing for it. We had to leave the bus, stat!

There was a stampede to the front of the bus -- beers left forgotten 
(for Aussies to leave beer behind means that the situation was indeed 
dire!).

Unfortunately, there was no exit! The door would not open! We were 
trapped in the Party Rocket which smelled like it was about to live up 
to its name and shoot flames out of its bum!

So, there we were, stuck in a bus what was about to explode any minute, 
with a tearful bus driver (it was her first week on the job) revving the 
guts out of the engine, because, as she had diagnosed correctly, the 
brakes on the bus were not getting air and without air, the brakes could 
not be disengaged. Running the engine normally would increase the air 
pressure to the brakes, but so far it was not working.

What was worse was that the bus doors worked on the same system -- ie 
they needed air pressure to open. No air pressure meant they stayed 
firmly shut, like a sulking clam shell.

OK, the situation was now very very dire!

But then, like Superman, the White Knight, The Phantom, The Lone Ranger 
and a few other assorted heroes, MM (AKA Muscle Mutt, AKA fruit of the 
conjugal loins) came to the rescue!

Being born double-muscled at birth (like genetically modified cattle in 
research - his anatomy did cause quite a stir in medical circles when he 
was born), he was able, using superhuman strength, to wrench open those 
recalcitrant sulking clam shell doors.

With MM heaving and straining and the sinews in his neck bulging. we 
exited the bus in quick succession. Two likely lads remembered to drag 
the esky out with the remaining beers. It is good to see that the 
younger generation are able to be responsible and able to appreciate 
life's priorities:)

Once we were safely out of the Party Rocket, it was easy to see why it 
was not going anywhere.

There was an ominous hissing noise over one wheel. There was a leak in 
one of the hydraulic gadgets!
All that compressed air the bus driver was furiously creating was 
leaking out into the atmosphere!
There was NO WAY that bus was gonna release its brakes anytime soon!

What to do?

We were all laughing, but the bus driver was justifiably crying, cuz she 
had a bus which would not move and a mob of passengers she could not 
move and it was, as I said before, her first week on the job.

Again it was MM to the rescue! This time he had assumed the guise of the 
organising army officer ( I am so glad I did not discourage the lad 
joining Our Man's Army) and he sorted us out into groups and had given 
us all orders to direct the backing of the bus etc.

With that he leapt back into the fray (aka the Party Rocket, sadly 
misnamed) and held something down with even more brute strength while 
the bus driver reversed the bus with the brakes screaming their heads off.

Having successfully reversed the bus in the pitch dark without hitting 
anything, Our Hero leapt off the bus (was that a cape we saw, or was it 
just a cloud of smoke?) and left the driver to force the bus forward 
into town with full brakes on...

All we could see between clouds of smoke and the brake tail lights was 
the sign on the back... "Just Married"...
W:)
PS.. am I proud of my male offspring ( who was nicknamed "Away with the 
fairies", by his teachers at school (quite justifiably, I might add, cuz 
he was the dreamiest most impractical kid ever!)) -- yes I am!:)
PPS... Pics here:
http://woofess.smugmug.com/Family/bus/22714711_p7N9Nk
Apologies for poor resolution but it was pitch dark, dammit! One pic of 
MM wrestling the bus to his will and second pic of two brave lads 
rescuing the beer, complete with leaking esky...yes, I know one of them 
was a Haggis eater and I have no idea how come why, but you will be 
relieved to know he was wearing tartan undies. Third pic of Smartarse 
helper and fourth pic of trapped passengers:)


-- 

Best regards,

Woofie mailto:woofie at woofess.com



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"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02

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