TheBanyanTree: A Tale of Four Bagels

[Monique Colver]

Not beagles, which are another thing altogether. I don't even know 4
beagles. I'm not sure I even know one.

Last week I decided I needed a bagel. This sort of thing comes over me now
and then,a sudden swishing wave of need. Last week I had many such needs in
addition to bagels. Chocolate cream pie, lemon meringue pie, pistachios,
potatoes, salmon, chicken, steak . . . it was never ending.

The charming husband was going out for errands, which is convenient since
I'm not sure I left the house at all last weekend. "Bring me a bagel from
Panera," I said, as he headed out, "Or better yet, bring me four."

"What kind?"

"Surprise me." I love surprises.

He returned with four bagels, two onion and two cheese. I was in heaven. I
toasted one onion bagel and then put butter and cream cheese on it. It was
a truly awesome bagel. I can only eat one of those suckers at a time -- I'm
really not trying to gain 20 pounds in 20 days, there's no competition or
anything. So I left them on the counter, the onion bagel alone in its
plastic bag, the two cheese still together in theirs.

Later I went up to work. I do this often, since I like to pay rent and eat.
Charming husband went out again -- the man has many errands to run. And all
was quiet in the house.

I try to take advantage of this.

I should have been suspicious. Surely I know better -- when it's quiet
around here it's either because everyone is asleep, or someone's getting
into trouble.

Later Andrew came home, and I went downstairs.

There were no signs of the cheese bagels anywhere, other than a plastic
bag, and a paper bag that the plastic bag, with its bagels, had been in.
And they were both on the floor.

There was not a crumb of cheese bagel anywhere. Not one.

Both dogs were questioned, of course, with Ash and his usual, "What?" and
Honey with her, "I can't believe you'd actually ask me that question."

I suspect Ash, of course, since he's the one who's always anxious to
demonstrate his food acquiring skills. Such skills may come in handy after
the zombie apocalypse, I suppose, when food is hard to come by, but right
now it's not really an issue. Given his history with food management, I
watched him closely. If I'd eaten two bagels at once like that I would for
sure have some stomach distress, and his stomach is even more sensitive
than mine.

Hard to believe, I know.

But nothing.

He still denies any participation in the theft of bagels.

Oh, and I ate the second onion bagel before he could get his little paws on
it.


M