TheBanyanTree: bittersweet

[Russ Doden]

I'm sharing some thoughts with you today simply because you accept me for
what I am - freak or sage, angel or lost wanderer, teacher or student, wise
man or fool.  I appreciate that you accept me for whatever I am - however
you see me.

A little while ago a friend loaned me a set of "The Folk Years" CD's and
some other CD's for me to copy.  I haven't had a chance to listen to them
or anything until today.  I decided to listen to them today before deciding
if I wanted to copy them or not.

I find I'm having a strange feeling listening to them.  It is bittersweet.
I'm enjoying them so very much and WILL be copying them but it will take
some time - after all there are a lot of discs there!  The bittersweet
feeling is coming from a feeling of a "lost sense of innocence" of the
era.  Back then, many of us thought we could change so much - and nothing
much has changed at all.  The "new age" people are still working for the
same changes the "hippies" of the era were working for then.  People that
are "Spiritual" from whatever path they follow - Religion or whatever their
path may be, are seeking the same things now as then - compassion and
harmony, tolerance and acceptance, and above all peace and universal love.

I wanted to shed my mask back then and join the movement - but was afraid
to do so.  I quietly tried to be like everyone else instead - and failed
miserably.  And here I am today - with my mask laying by the wayside,
filled with tears and scars.  I'm older and wiser, but still wanting to
change the world - or at least my perception of it.  I have returned to and
even exceeded my "sense" of "being connected to all things" that was
abraded from me by "responsibilities and duty" as well as trying to "fit in
and be like everyone else."  I was afraid to claim that sense of truly
being willing to be seen as being different then - and now it is worn like
a badge of honor.

Some of us back then had hopes and dreams of changing so much - and so many
of us have become disillusioned - and so many are rediscovering their
dreams - and being joined by newer generations that are saying the same
things now that we said then - Give Peace a Chance; All you need is Love;
only the words are different - the feeling is the same.

So, today I won't be productive - at least not in the conventional sense.
Instead I'll be mentally wearing my tie dye shirt and polka dot cuffed
pants (yes I have a pair of pants like that - I had a friend of mine
"repair" a pair of pants with seriously frayed pants and asked her to use
some wild polka dotted material) but only because it is too cool out to
wear them physically.  When I go out now, there are times I'm the sage and
teacher, the wise one and the elder, the professional and wildly successful
"new age consultant".  There are also times I'm the proud freak that has
been hiding inside for so long - peeking out through the mask - only now
the mask is gone most of the time - and when it is worn, it is a different
mask - one that is much more transparent.

The words for a song come to mind - "Freedom is just another word for
nuthin left to lose."  For me that doesn't mean "things" but rather
"expectations" and coloring inside the lines.

Thanks for listening.

Russ
-- 
Enjoy Life By Living In Joy

Well Being Consultant
www.rldwbc.com