TheBanyanTree: The dark art of raising a teenager

[Monique Colver]

Loving them is fine. Liking them, on the other hand, presents its own set
of issues. Or, I should say, NOT liking them. Everyone loves their
children, or mostly usually always, but they don't always like them as
people. Or they like them just fine, but not as much as they like their
other kids. And you can't fake it. Parents will often favor one child over
another because that child is more like them, or they like their personal
traits more. It may be subtle, but the child knows it. I wasn't my mother's
favorite child to hang out with. It wasn't my fault, and it wasn't her
fault -- her second daughter was more like her, and she felt more
comfortable around her. She didn't have to wonder what the kid was talking
about half the time because they spoke the same language. They frequented
bars together (I frequented bars with my mom when I was too young to be in
bars, but then I sort of grow out of that, while she never did), they lived
the same sort of lifestyle, they meshed well together. And for the longest
time I didn't understand why my mom didn't "love" me as much. She did, she
just didn't like me as much, and it's not because I'm not likeable, though
that's open for debate. It's that we were traveling in different worlds and
mine put her out of her comfort zone. So did my brother's, for that matter.
So she stayed with what was comfortable for her, and for a very long time I
thought it was all about me. Teenagers especially will think that, because,
as far as they know, it IS all about them. I don't care anymore, because I
know she loved me. But as a young adult, it was hard. I had ambition, but
none of my parents thought much of my talents, so I gave up on them -- come
to find out, they just didn't get me. But that's okay -- I didn't get them
either.




Monique Colver
Colver Business Solutions
monique at colverbusinesssolutions.com
www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
(425) 772-6218



On Mon, Nov 28, 2011 at 12:08 PM, Julie Anna Teague <jateague at indiana.edu>wrote:

>
> What I'm learning from all of this: we can't know till we know.  I guess
> we just have to hope for the best and love them through the worst.
>
>
>