TheBanyanTree: Better Pain

[Monique Colver]

There’s worse pain, and there’s better pain, and I’m currently experiencing
better pain, though it sounds worse than it is. Or does it sound better?
Less pain, that’s what I mean. I’m not trying to say that I’m a masochist
and the quality of the pain is suiting me nicely, thank you very much. Not
that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m totally on your side if you’re
into pain. I won’t be inflicting the pain because I’m not a sadist either,
but yeah, whatever makes you happy.


                After a weekend wherein both legs decided it would be
fitting to punish me for my lack of attention to their needs (whatever
those might be) I’m quite happy to have less pain now. As if the
fibromyalgia by itself isn’t bad enough, one knee is also inflamed and has
been for weeks. I think the anti-inflammatories are starting to kick in
though, just in time for the Thanksgiving Marathon.


                This isn’t a real marathon, in case you were wondering
where to sign up. It’s the standing in the kitchen type of marathon.

                I wonder how people with real pain, as opposed to my whiny,
self-indulgent pain, deal with it. I can well imagine how frustrating and
annoying it must be, as well as painful. For weeks I’ve been consigned to
keeping off my bad knee, keeping my legs elevated when possible, and
cutting down on my trips up and down the stairs. I went to Las Vegas in
this condition, knowing it was a bad idea, but committed to a work
conference I didn’t want to miss. When I returned home three days later my
right knee was twice the size of my left, but the conference was worth it.


                Since then, my efforts to keep up the appearance of
occasionally taking care of my house have been stymied. I’m fortunate that
I have 1) a desk job, and 2) a desk job in my own house, so I can keep the
traveling to a minimum. How do people not as lucky as me deal with it? If I
had to go to a job every day I’m pretty sure I’d be damn bitchy about it.


                Yes. I’m pretty bitchy anyway. It’s always “me, me, me, ow!
My legs hurt!” like anyone cares. And really, how bad can it be?


                I am extremely lucky in my pain. I may wonder when it will
ever end, if it will ever end, because sometimes it seems to go on forever,
but that passes, and each day I decide that the next day will be a better
pain day, and that I will wake up cured.


                Over the weekend, when it was at its worst, I really missed
running. I haven’t run in years, and I don’t really wish to return to it
now, but the idea of it sounded very appealing, and that’s because, no
doubt, I couldn’t do it at all. I used to run, and once, when I was quite a
bit younger, I was even fast. I’m no longer fast, and I hobble more than I
walk.


                We’re often like that, I think. When we can’t do something
we weren’t that interested in to begin with, we wish we could do it. It’s
the possibility of it that we miss more than anything else.


                I don’t, however, wish I could date again. I’m so happy to
never have to go through that again. And high school. There’s something I’d
never want to repeat. Talk about pain. But running? That wasn’t painful,
and while I wasn’t thrilled about it overly much after high school, I
could, and did, do it. Wishing I could again isn’t because I miss running,
it’s because if I could run, that would mean my legs weren’t all washed up,
and if my legs weren’t all washed up, I could do a lot of other things that
are hard for me now. Like exercising – I’ve had to stay off the recumbent
bike for a few weeks so it sits there in the corner of my office, all sad
and forlorn, and I’m thinking that in the next few days I’ll give it a shot
again. It misses me so, after all.


                To everyone who has pain, I wish you less of it, whether it
be physical, mental, or emotional. Whether you have pain or not, I ask that
you not inflict any pain on yourself or others. Life has enough pain in it
all by itself that we don’t need to make more of it. Everyone gets their
share, fair or not, and if there’s anything I could do to alleviate yours,
I would. Not to get all sentimental on you or anything, but you often don’t
know what pain others are in, so keep that in mind.


                Let’s avoid causing pain of any sort, because there’s
certainly enough to go around already. Instead, let’s see if we can
alleviate pain. It may not make it all better, or any better, but at least
we won’t make a bad situation worse.


                Anyway, we’ve got Congress for that.


                Sorry. I had to slip that one in there. I could just use
the generic term government though. All the same to me.


Monique