TheBanyanTree: Those Bleedin' Swedes!

[Pam Lawley]

ha!  I've only had one experience in an IKEA store, and it was JUST LIKE
this!!!  ME - who LOVES to shop  for hours! - was totally overwhelmed and
frustrated in that place!  One path, one way, keep moving....  And I never
even knew about any meatballs!!!!!!!!

On Sat, Mar 26, 2011 at 3:15 PM, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>wrote:

> Ikea: A place where people meet and mingle, and brave crowds to get to the
> meatballs at the end.
>
> I regard Ikea with the same sort of terror I regard dentistry and
> mammograms. Sure, it's gotta be done, but it's not like I'm going to have a
> good time at it. I have a strategy though to make it easier on me.
>
> I send the charming husband in to recon before I go. He's happy to go
> wander
> through the maze of artfully displayed rooms and decide where it is we're
> supposed to go. He'll buy things and bring them home, or if it's something
> big I should look it, he comes home and eventually we go together, but this
> time I have 1) protection, 2) a guide, and 3) a destination.
>
> I love the little rooms where they show you how you too can live
> comfortably
> in a total of 100 sq feet of space. "Are these people mad?" I must ask,
> because there is no way in Hades I can do more than have a reading room in
> 100 sq feet of space, much less my bedroom/bathroom/kitchen/living area
> with
> desk. Or perhaps these little rooms are built for little people, Hobbits
> perhaps, who have no personal possessions.
>
> We recently purchased my new corner desk at Ikea. Now that I have it I'm
> not
> sure how I survived without it. We went to the desk section when we got
> there, decided what we wanted, and the Ikea person, who looked as if she
> hadn't seen sunlight in months, no doubt because she's made to live in one
> of the little display rooms and never leave, gave us a list of everything
> we
> needed. We made it to the self-help section after only a few stops along
> the
> way, and we carefully picked out each piece. And then maneuvered it onto
> the
> cart.
>
> Shopping at Ikea is not for the faint of heart, but it's good exercise.
>
> But we are not total fools. There was no way we could fit the pieces of the
> desk, especially the big corner part, into a car, so after checking out we
> piloted our desk over to the delivery department, and handed it over to
> them
> to bring to us, for a fee.
>
> Now, there are people who would say, "Pay for delivery! Nonsense! I never
> pay for delivery! Strap it on the top of the car! Stuff it in there
> somehow!
> Have it hanging out the trunk! Just don't pay for delivery!"
>
> Seriously? Like my aggravation isn't worth the small fee? Have you ever
> tried to load pieces of a desk into a Honda?
>
> Even with the arrows and the directions I get lost. Sometimes I misplace my
> charming husband. Or I wander off and he loses track of me. This is why we
> carry cell phones. And gps tracking devices. And breadcrumbs to scatter
> behind us. Even with all that it's hit or miss.
>
> I would never venture into Ikea unescorted. At least I go to the dentist on
> my own, but Ikea? Never.
>
> Monique
>
>
>
> On Sat, Mar 26, 2011 at 11:51 AM, auntiesash <auntiesash at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > LAH!
> >
> > Delightfully told, as always, but I would have bet big BUCKS the Woofie +
> > IKEA = MADNESS.
> >
> > All those people.  All those weird fake books and props.  Did I mention
> all
> > those people?
> >
> > I can't believe that people who know and love you actually took you there
> > on
> > a weekend!  And there are shortcuts, love.  Many places in the maze have
> > "shortcut to kitchen" or "shortcut to lighting".
> >
> > I'm not really a junkie, but they sell some neat stuff and I do love the
> > meatballs.  I can't do the whole meander thing there.  Too
> > much fluorescent lighting - by the time I get through I have a headache
> and
> > can't remember what I planned to buy at the end.
> >
> > So we go on missions to Ikea.  Figure out about what we are looking for,
> > follow the signs to that department, write down the stock number, follow
> > the
> > signs to the nearest exit, and done.  And the meatballs freeze great, so
> we
> > always buy extras.
> >
> > Same strategy that I use shopping at the mall.
> >
> > Give me a bookstore, a couple antique shops, or a funky street with odd
> > little shops, and I can wander and browse.  But otherwise, it's more like
> > hunting in hostile territory.  Know your prey, spot it, take it down,
> pack
> > it out.
> >
> > Or you can just go to Ikea online.  I think they'll even mail you
> > meatballs.....
> >
> > xoxo
> > sash
> >
> > On Sat, Mar 26, 2011 at 5:31 AM, Woofie <woofie at woofess.com> wrote:
> >
> > >
> > > Today I thought I would make my new son proud. My new son is an IKEA
> > > junkie, but I have never been to an IKEA store. I did try once with
> > > Krazy Kiwi, but it was shut. Today we had to enlist KK's help, cuz
> > > Spouse's passport got soaked in water in the car, which means he has to
> > > fill out another passport application and pay lots of money for a rush
> > > job to get a replacement before he flies out next weekend. KK was
> needed
> > > to witness it.
> > >
> > > To kill a number of birds with one stone we decided to meet up at IKEA,
> > > cuz we wanted a broom cupboard thingy and KK hadn't been to IKEA in
> ages
> > > and I wanted some of their Swedish meatballs. I had been introduced to
> > > these delicacies by my niece and nephew-by-choice who live and work in
> > > China. Yes folks, they have IKEA stores there too. My niece and
> > > nephew-by-choice are also IKEA junkies and so I also wanted to know
> what
> > > turned sane people into IKEA junkies.
> > >
> > > Thankfully KK did not drive to the IKEA store dressed as an octopus -
> > > yes another story which I will tell when I get hold of the evidence;)
> > >
> > > Folks, have you ever had one of those nightmares where you are stuck in
> > > a maze of tunnels and you are running and running and trying to find a
> > > way out, but it doesn't matter which turn or tunnel you run down there
> > > is no way out. You are absolutely terrified because hideous creatures
> > > are pursuing you, but there is NO ESCAPE!
> > >
> > > Well, that is exactly what an IKEA store is like, except it is much
> much
> > > worse! It is full of loud crowds of people pushing and shoving and you
> > > can't directly to an exit or directly to where you want to go in the
> > > store. You have to follow a winding maze through every other dept to
> get
> > > somewhere. To make it worse you can't see across the store as all the
> > > displays are full height to the roof. You just have to keep following
> > > these arrows in sightless tunnels and go with the crowds of thousands
> > > who are also trying to escape the maze.
> > >
> > > I can now fully appreciate how Skinner's rats felt:(
> > >
> > > Many hours later we finally found our way out of the maze and would you
> > > believe it the bloody store that sells the meatballs and other yummies
> > > is right next to the exit! Unfortunately, you cannot bypass the bloody
> > > maze to go direct to the food store section - you can't sneak in the
> > > exit - you got to go in the entrance and spend hours in the maze to get
> > > to the meatball place - BAH!
> > >
> > > There is NO way that the Woofess is ever going to venture into that
> > > Swedish torture maze ever again! Thankfully, KK has offered to brave
> the
> > > nightmare and supply her with meatballs in future:) I hope she goes
> > > dressed as an octopus with battering rams in her tentacles and knocks
> > > down the bloody walls of that maze as she goes!!!
> > >
> > > And I never got to figure out what causes IKEA junkies....must be one
> of
> > > those divine mystery thingies...
> > >
> > > Woof, feeding her face with meatballs and cream sauce:)
> > > PS...the broom cupboard? They bleedin well doan sell broom cupboards!
> > >
> > > --
> > >
> > > **********************************************************
> > > "The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
> > > **********************************************************
> > > Blogs: http://www.woofess.org/woofblog/
> > > Photos: http://www.pbase.com/woofess
> > > Photos: http://public.fotki.com/woofie/
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Everyone is from somewhere
> > Even if you've never been there.
> > So take a minute to remember
> > The part of you that might be the Old Man calling me.
> > - *Jethro Tull*
> >
>
>
>
> --
> Monique Colver
>