TheBanyanTree: understanding motivation

[Monique Colver]

You share your joy with them, you tell them how happy it makes you. Everyone
finds their own bliss differently, and while I enjoy a trek outdoors and a
peaceful sunny day underneath the shade trees, and a good swim which may be
more splashing than swimming, and even, now and then, a strenuous bit of
manual labor, too much running/walking irritates my fibro so that all I feel
is pain. There is no joy in pain, and while I regularly deal with small
amounts of pain on an ongoing basis, creating more is just not something I'm
going to do, and there's no motivation for that.

I have a recumbent bike I use everyday. I eat relatively well, and now that
I'm pre-diabetic, I eat even better. I'm on a multitude of meds to regulate
a half dozen things that are wacky in my system. I have a need to stay
active, so I do what I can, when I can. And it's never enough. But I'm okay
with that.

Is my loss of mobility my fault? I don't know. I don't care. To motivate
people, you want to make sure they don't think you blame them for being the
way they are. That's hard when you blame them for being the way they are.

And that's just the way people are. I want to help people too, and when they
come to me broke and insolvent, desperate to get some answers as to how this
could have happened to them, I want to say to them, "Look, you spent more
than you made, so this is what happens. Did you need that vacation? That new
car? Did you even try to save?"

And they say, "I needed that vacation! And it's not like it cost me
anything!" And "I needed a new car! I deserve it!"

Sometimes I do say that anyway, because they need to hear it. But only once.
Then I tell them we need to focus on the future, on what needs to happen now
to change things for them. That's what we're all looking for, positives in
the future.

You can't make people live better lives. I've tried. Besides, everyone has a
different definition of what that is. Sure, my health is important to me,
but even more important is the impact I have on other people, the people I
help or entertain or amuse. It just is.

I have sheer joy at the end of the day, say if I've been running around all
day seeing and talking to a lot of people in a lot of places, and at the end
of the day I can put my giant ankles up so the pain and swelling can start
to subside. Sitting there with my family close by is sheer joy. It makes me
unbearably happy. I wouldn't suggest others go this route, but everyone
experiences their own joy in their own way.

You might say it's because I'm out of shape and need more exercise, but
you're not speaking to what motivates me.

The problem is, we don't know what motivates others. We have no idea. The
more we talk to them, the more we can figure it out. Until then, we're just
guessing. You're right -- fear is not a good motivator. It's handy if we're
being chased by a lion, because fear will motivate us to run faster than
ever. Even I could run under those conditions, though perhaps not for long.

Share your joy with them. Don't judge them for being less than perfect. It's
so easy for people to feel judgment, even if we think we're not judging
them. Even if we package it up prettily in shiny colors and big bows. It's
still judgment. Everyone's trying to do the best they can for themselves.
Try to learn something about them that you admire, and tell them so. This is
mostly advice for me, not you, in case you were wondering.

You'll do fine. Your joy comes through. Keep up with it, and share that joy.
That's what people want to see.

Monique

On Thu, Jun 30, 2011 at 11:20 AM, Julie Anna Teague <jateague at indiana.edu>wrote:

> I have pretty much always been motivated to do something with myself, in
> different areas of my life.  Right now I'm working through the training
> course to become a Certified Personal Trainer, and I'm giving a lot of
> thought to motivation.  What motivates me?  What propels me out the door for
> a run when it's 90 degrees and 80 percent humidity?  For that matter, what
> motivates me to work hard, pay my bills, eat right, try to be a good person?
>
> Husband thinks that fear is the biggest motivator.  I agree, but only about
> some things. Some fear definitely motivated me to do the things it took to
> support myself and my kids--get through college, get a decent job, live
> within my means, save some money.  I didn't want to repeat my parents'
> situation.  My childhood gave me an ingrained fear of being financially
> insolvent and it has been a powerful motivator.
>
> And although I could look at exercise and life style motivators from that
> angle--God knows most of my family serve as examples about what not to do to
> avoid avoidable heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and loss of mobility--it
> is something more powerful and positive than fear of these debilitating
> diseases that keeps me going.  It is joy.  Sheer joy.  Joy that I can move
> and run and feel good in my body and heart and mind.  The very act of moving
> makes me happy.  Throw in a deep woods hike, a swim in a cold lake, a run
> through a green canopy with deer ahead of me and an owl overhead, or
> rollerblading on a trail through a green wildflower meadow with red-wing
> blackbirds flitting and trrrrreeeting from stalk to stalk.  Throw in a
> purifying sweat and the clearness of mind I feel when I'm working hard.
>  Throw in an opportunity to be with my husband when we can actually talk
> (and walk, or peddle) without the idiot box blaring at us or the computer
> distracting us from each other.  Throw in a hard challenge and the sense of
> personal power and accomplishment from meeting it head on.  Throw in (and
> all of!) these things, and it makes my whole self, my whole life, happier.
>
> This stuff that comes from inside me are my intrinsic motivators.  But
> there have to be extrinsic motivators too, things outside myself, reasons to
> do it when I don't want to do it, basically.  Because some days I really
> don't want to get out there and run in the heat.  Or the cold or the rain,
> the humidity, the bugs, you name it, it just all seems awful and not doable.
>  Some days I'm too tired after a long day of work to throw in a dvd and
> hoist some weights around.  Maybe I don't feel like going to yoga class and
> doing vinyasas until my arms and legs are screaming.  But there are those
> extrinsic motivators that come into play: health and mental well being, a
> muscular body, better functioning organs, a good poop (sorry, but s'truth),
> a better night of sleep, the ability to indulge in a little ice cream or pie
> without thinking about it too much.  These are good things.
>
> And how does understanding these things about myself inform my ability to
> motivate others if and when I become a Certified Personal Trainer and get a
> client or two?  I can certainly share my intrinsic love for it. If you hiked
> with me, or did some other workout, or just listened to me yammer on about a
> good run, I think you would see that it is what I deeply love doing.  But
> probably no one who naturally feels this way needs a personal trainer.  They
> are most likely out there doing it on their own for their own heartfelt
> reasons.  And if there are only extrinsic motivators, if working out is
> absolute grudge work but they know they have to do it, then that gets into
> the whole fear thing--fear of not being healthy, fear of being obese, maybe
> even fear of dying?  Too much fear is not a good long term motivator.  Fear
> causes stress.
>
> How do I become a motivator who can help people develop their own joy,
> either through learning to love running (or whatever) or through the
> experience of improved health and well being?  This is a rhetorical
> question, and something I'll be studying more about in my course work as
> well as giving some deep thought to, but of course, if any you have thoughts
> on this, I'd love to hear them!
>
> I am clear on this one thing: that I have a strong desire to help others.
>  And after evaluating my own strengths and where my own joy lies, I think
> this is a way I can help people lead healthier more energy-filled lives.  I
> have the passion to do it, I just need to figure out how to share it in an
> effective way without being an evangelist (which some of you know I have a
> tendency to be ;)
>
> Thinking out loud,
>
> Julie
>
>
>
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