TheBanyanTree: Quasi-performance/pseudo-freshness

[Monique Colver]

What our sash failed to mention is that I am one of those who uttered those
words, "They make it right at your table," which seemed to me, at the time,
to convey something, though I'm not sure what. I'm not a huge fan of On The
Border. Some of it is okay, and some of it seems as if it's a vague sort of
attempt at an ill-defined food group that is most certainly not Mexican.
(But it is, isn't it?) But I do love me some guacamole, and they do make it
at your table, and I'm not sure why. So we can see what's in it? Perhaps
that's not such a bad idea.

"Hey! I'm allergic to peanuts!" Helpful if peanuts are standard in
guacamole, which they aren't.

Not only that, but guacamole is best when it's had a few minutes to meld
together, all those disparate ingredients.

I am a victim of marketing. When they (and they is vaguely defined) tell me
something is good I accept it, because why would they lie? I'm too trusting.
"We make it in front of you!" So what? Well, they do start with whole
avocados, which is how I start when I make it. In fact, I make pretty good
guacamole myself, so why even bother with them?

Last year when we were in California we stayed at my brother's house, and
they had a bag full of ripe avocados sitting around. People do down there.
They come off trees, and they hand them around like us less fortunates hand
around zucchini. Not that there's anything wrong with zucchini, but it's not
avocados, which is definitely a strike against it. My sister-in-law claimed
she didn't know what to do with them all, "I don't know how to make
guacamole," she said.

Really? It's not as if it's complicated. So she asked me to do it, to make
up a big batch for the family coming over later. The pre-funeral family
thing.

So I did. First I couldn't find the knives. They have grandchildren, so
apparently they hide the knives. I eventually found something that would
work well enough. Then I couldn't find a cutting board, only a small glass.
My kitchen is full of knives and cutting boards. I theorized that perhaps
she just doesn't cook as much. Now that all the kids have moved out it's
just the two of them, after all.

Andrew and I made guacamole. Onions, garlic, salt, pepper, a bit of salsa,
lime. It's not as if it's complicated after all.

I didn't make it in front of anyone for their viewing pleasure. But it still
seemed to be satisfactory. Would it have been better if I'd waited until
everyone showed up then made them stand around me in a semi-circle while I
made it?

No doubt. Then they could tell me how I was doing it wrong, and wasn't that
too much or too little of something, and what was that neat trick with the
knife anyway?

No, I think it best I not have an audience. Then again, unless I'm doing
cartwheels or stand-up I find I do best without an audience, and cartwheels
are all in the past. So's stand-up, for that matter, but you never know.

Let's go have guacamole next week. You're all invited. Let's see if the
table side performance adds anything or if we're being taken for a ride.

Monique

On Fri, Feb 25, 2011 at 2:21 PM, auntiesash <auntiesash at gmail.com> wrote:

> For the second time in as many days, I have heard(*) the sentence "They
> have
> great guacamole. They make it right at your table!"
>
>