TheBanyanTree: Whew! It's September!

[Margaret R. Kramer]

Holy cow, this was a busy weekend!  Pre-Labor Day always seems to me to be
like New Year’s, it’s a time to reflect on summer past, think about the
present, and look forward to the future.  Except, Labor Day doesn’t prompt
resolutions, more like goals, kind of like job goals your manager might lay
out for you for the upcoming year. 

I took Thursday and Friday off, as I was going to St Louis, Mo to see Frank.
Obviously, that didn’t happen, although I thought a lot about him.  I
wondered what our visit would have been like and what we would have seen in
St Louis.  I wondered if we would have still been comfortable with each
other.  I would have come home today and I wondered if I would have gone
through missing him like I did after he went back to IL after Memorial Day
and the 4th of July.  I hope he had a good weekend in spite of everything.  

This was a weird summer.  It was hot and humid, which I don’t mind, but I
can’t say it was a great summer.  My garden LOVED the sultry weather,
producing beautiful flowers and awe-inspiring vegetables.  And I kept up
with the weeding and the yard maintenance, too.  I remember the first summer
after Ray’s death, when I was working two jobs and I was always tired
because Joe kept me up all night, going through his own grief about his
wife, and I just let my garden to weed by the end of the summer.

This was the first summer in two years that I didn’t have to work two jobs.
It’s nice to have a comfortable income without killing myself.  It took me a
while to get used to having free time in the evenings and not having to go
crazy to get to my second job by 6:30 pm.  At first, I was so lonely that I
would get nervous and anxious.  The evening time seems to be the worse for
widows.  It’s that time when Ray and I would share our days and enjoy our
evenings even if we weren’t physically glued together; he worked on his
projects and I worked on mine. I finally got over that empty feeling, and
now I’ll eat dinner and take the dogs for a walk after dinner.  Then I check
my email.  I watch baseball on TV.  Sometimes I go to Joe’s house or he
comes here and we go to bed and SLEEP!  No more all nighters.

I get up in the morning and Joe drives me to work.  There is a fitness
facility in my building, so I do a lunch time workout.  Joe drives me home
from work, and we start the evening weekday cycle all over again.

Asher and boys have moved out and I’m gradually taking back my house.  I
cleaned out the boys’ room, which meant I vacuumed the empty room.  Today I
cleaned out the closet in that room.  Asher isn’t the best at going through
things, and I knew there would be stuff I would have to deal with after they
left.  

Ray had added shelves in that closet when he used that room for an office.
There was still some stuff of his in the closet, his latch hook rug sets,
and I stashed them up in our bedroom.  I should get rid of them, but I’m not
quite ready yet.

I made the Goodwill pile, the Asher pile, and the throw away pile and got
the closet all cleaned out and organized.

Yesterday, I cleaned out the basement.  That’s where Asher lived.  He got a
lot of stuff out of there, but I really wanted to clean it up good.  The
basement is divided into a work room, with shelves and a great work bench,
the laundry area, and a family room.  There is also a shower and a bathroom
in the basement.

I vacuumed all the cobwebs, picked up miscellaneous garbage, and vacuumed
and swept and scrubbed the floors.  I threw out stuff, mine and Asher’s, and
rearranged the basement in my image.  It’s so wonderful to go down there now
and I know where everything is and it’s not cluttered and it’s CLEAN!

I also planted grass seed in the front yard.  I had such good luck in the
back, that I felt encouraged to try it in the front.  I caulked my
shower/tub area.  And, finally, a major accomplishment for me, I hung a new
pendant light over the kitchen sink all by myself.  The light actually
works!  And it’s beautiful!

Joe and I went to the Minnesota State Fair on Friday.  It was windy and
COLD!!!!  Joe brought an extra sweatshirt for me, and I’m glad he did.  I
was freezing.  We spent a lot of time in the barns, in dining halls drinking
coffee, watching horse judging, and doing a little wine tasting.

We took a different bus this time and it worked out better for us.  This was
the first year since Ray died that I didn’t feel like I had to do the fair
just like Ray and I did.  Joe likes the fair, but not anything like Ray.  So
we went early, and got to the fair just after it opened.  When I saw Joe’s
eyes glazing over, I knew it was time to get him out of there.  He’s not one
to spend 12 hours at the fair.  Joe and I did things Ray and I never did.
It was OK to create a different fair experience and I didn’t feel guilty
about it.

However, our newspaper had state fair love stories, and I cried and cried
reading them.  Oh, I miss having a love like that.

I also started my stint on Saturday as a grief facilitator for my former
grief group.  Each person experiences grief a different way, but it struck
me as I listened to the new widows on Saturday, that our experiences are
also similar.

I asked the group if they wore anything from their spouse.  Well, all of us,
even my co-facilitator who has been a widow for 12 years, are wearing our
wedding rings.  And each one of us also wore an article of clothing, a
watch, or a bracelet of our spouse.  Even after a long time, it seems to be
such a need for us to have a physical link to our loved one.

I wish I would have made time to get out on my bike more this summer, but
I’m hoping this fall, I’ll get a ride in once in a while.  In spite of the
hot and steamy weather, I didn’t swim very much this summer, and I missed
that.

Looking forward, I’m going to continue my yoga journey.  The house will
consume most of my time this fall.  I’m going to move my scrapbooking stuff
into the basement.  Then I’ll paint the boys’ room and make that room my
office.  I’ll turn this small room that I currently use for my office into a
guest room or reading room.  Not sure yet.

Of course, fall is the time to get ready for winter.  The frost will come
and end my summer garden.  I’ll put away the lawn furniture and the garden
stuff.  I’ll get a new furnace filter and close the storms on my combination
windows.  I’ll make more soup and bread.  And wait for the cold.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
www.linkedin.com/in/margaretkramer

We loved with a love that was more than love.    
-Edgar Allan Poe