TheBanyanTree: Sunday

[Margaret R. Kramer]

Last night, Frank mentioned Sioux Falls to me.  In one of his rare confiding
moments he told me he had a Mennonite girlfriend back in the 80s who lived
in Sioux Falls.  They went together for five years.  I asked why they didn’t
get married and he told me that religious differences, the Catholic and the
Mennonite, kept them apart; it doesn’t seem significant to me, but I suppose
it is to the participants.  And other issues, too, he said, kept them from
tying the knot.  He said they never lived together, but they did sleep
together.  She wanted him to move to Sioux Falls and he didn’t want to.

I get excited with this information, because he told me on his own, no
questions from me.  I’d like to know more about him and his other
relationships, but he doesn’t let loose with very personal stuff easily, and
I hate to play 20 questions.  I try to find subtle approaches to get him to
discuss his past, not just relationships, but family and friends as well.

I think it was easier for him to show me his spreadsheet and bank
information than reveal much about himself in a personal way.

But I’m learning about him.  Bit by bit.

It’s a refreshing change after Joe, who told me about every woman he slept
with in the first 15 minutes of knowing him!  Well, not exactly 15 minutes,
maybe more like 20 minutes.

I pretty much stick to Ray when I discuss relationships with Frank.  He
seems to be OK with that.  When I’ve ventured to mention others, he gets a
blank look on his face; I can tell it’s a spark of jealousy, so I leave it
alone.  He doesn’t need to know my background either unless it’s comfortable
for him to hear.

Plus, Frank lives in the present.  He doesn’t dwell in the past too much.  I
flit back and forth, mostly with Ray memories.  Even today, I’d say that I
still spend most of my time in Ray past.  I’ll pull myself into the present
during work, conversations with Frank, and other activities, but I’m quite
content to be with Ray and our memories whenever I have a chance.

But back to Sioux Falls.  Joe and I drove through Sioux Falls on the way
back from Yellowstone.  He wasn’t talking to me at the time, so it was a
relief to have silence in the car instead of listening to his raging about
how I didn’t go to the right place to have my oil changed, and that’s why I
was down a quart of oil, which is was what I heard about for three hours or
so as I began to drive through South Dakota.

On a happier note, Ray and I spent the night in Sioux Falls in 2003.  It was
the first night of our Mount Rushmore trip.  It was hot and a drought year,
so the Falls were not falling very much.  We took a ton of photos and I’ve
been looking at them this afternoon.

I put my photos and Ray’s photos together on my external hard drive, where I
keep all our photos.  I’ve enjoyed looking at his, since we took shots of
the same things, but had different perspectives.  And just like I did with
him, he took lots of candid shots of me, driving, walking, and looking at
stuff.  I’m glad our camera lenses found each other.

I got up at 4:00 am this morning.  I was going to go in to work today and I
wanted to get in my workout before going to work.  I had breakfast, read the
paper, got a roast and veggies in the crockpot, and got bread started in the
bread machine.  I took a shower, dressed, and was at the club by 6:45 am.

After workout, I came home and put on a bra, since I forgot to bring it with
me to the club.  I looked cute without a bra at 21, but it’s not a pretty
sight at age 55.  I lost my perky breasts a long time ago.

I stayed at work for three hours.  We couldn’t get into the test region, so
it was almost a waste of time to come in.  I did find out the missing data
from the database problem from Friday was fixed.  My boss was there for a
little bit, so I scored some brownie points for coming in.

I went tanning in the melanoma tanning tube, picked up some groceries, and
skirted around Grand Old Day, which is the largest one day street festival
in the United States.  I usually run in the Grand Old Day 5K, but not this
year.  I haven’t trained since I ran in the Human Race back in March.  Plus,
I wanted to go into work for a little bit, at least.

I got my backyard grass cut just before a little thunderstorm rolled
through.

I read the newspapers and watched a bit of the Twins before getting on the
computer.

Frank, who is working 11 hours this cool Sunday in Illinois, and I sent text
messages to each other during his breaks and lunch.  We’ll catch up on the
phone later this evening.  

He’s coming up for the 4th of July, and that date just couldn’t come soon
enough.

He told me it’s unusual for him to be on a job this long.  It’s a good job
and he’s sticking with it, as he should, since there aren’t a lot of good
jobs out there for people in the trades right now.

Frank said to me that we’ve dropped in on each other’s lives, and that’s OK.
I told him if we can get through this at the beginning of our relationship,
then we’ll get our reward later on down the road.

I mentioned to Frank that this long distance relationship was new to me.  He
replied, “I didn’t know that this was a long distance relationship.  I
always thought of it as a relationship.”

And so it is.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
www.linkedin.com/in/margaretkramer

Corpse pose restores life.  Dead parts of your being fall away, the ghosts
are released.  
-Terri Guillemets