TheBanyanTree: Cognitive Behavorial Therapy

[Monique Colver]

It's a confusing issue, dealing with these things. I'm not sure I've dealt
with things I should have dealt with but I'm not sure I haven't. But if I
have, wouldn't I know it? And dealing with the past can be painful, but I
don't find it so. Then again, I regard my past as full of life lessons, so
it doesn't bother me. In my family, we don't deal with the past, so I'm
certain I'm considered a nutjob -- what's in the past stays in the past. My
mother was always adamant that people who blame their lousy childhoods for
their present lives are just looking for excuses, and that the past had no
bearing on the present. Was this because she had a lousy childhood and
thought she overcame it, or was it because she gave her children a lousy
childhood? No one will ever know, and it wasn't the kind of thing she'd ever
talk about -- in Mom's world, only the present mattered. I only recently
learned, when my mother was dying, that her mother had spent a couple of
years in a mental institution when my mother was a teenager, and that she
and her other siblings had, in Grandma's absence, been ruled over by mean
Uncle Bob while Grandpa was off doing his lawyer thing. No wonder she acted
out.

You should be working on these issues with your recent past if you feel you
need to. No, that isn't right either. Maybe you don't feel you need to, but
you need to anyway. I know there are things I need to do which I don't
necessarily feel like doing.

As for implicit details, you should see some of the implicit details Stew
wrote about, during his battle with mental illness. Talk about freaky. But
look . . . he won. He got better. Not all the way better, he didn't have
time before he died, but he got better. He dealt with a lot of issues, and
he still had more issues to deal with. I don't think we're ever entirely
free of all our issues, there'll always be something else, something hidden
away, or right out in the open for that matter, something waiting to be
dealt with.

"Take a number, please, I can't get to all of you at once."

Stew wanted his lessons to help others, so he didn't mind sharing every
horrifying little detail. That was his mission, his reason. But not everyone
travels that path, and the only thing that really matters is that you be
honest with yourself. It's yourself you have to live with (I've tried, in
the distant past, making arrangements with myself to live elsewhere so I'd
stop getting in my way, but negotiations broke down) and it's your own path
you need to forge.

However, you are not entirely alone on this path. We're always here.

And CBT works, often.

And disability claims can try to suck the life out of you. I have here in my
office reams of paper of disability claims for Stew, and he eventually won
when a judge said, "How did this even get this far?" Don't let the bastards
get you down -- concentrate on the here and now and where you want to go.
And do what it takes to get there.

(I'm thinking I should follow my own advice.)

Monique

On Thu, Feb 4, 2010 at 7:14 AM, Dave <dseaman77 at gmail.com> wrote:

> My big thing for my session with Julie was how recently I had to drudge up
> the past with another psychologist for a disability claim. And I'm assuming
> through the process that I'll be doing that more often. She calls it picking
> at the scabs and felt sorry that I had to go through that.
>
> The history of my acting out is recent, but I stay present and move on
> without looking back. My dilemma is, should I be working on these issues
> with my recent past? I don't go any where near implicit details in my
> journal. It would make me look freakier than usual, and I just want to move
> on.
>
> When asked if I need to work on this Julie said that I already have. I
> don't know if that is correct. Seems like if it bothers me so then I haven't
> come to terms with it. I know what she is doing. She wants to keep me far
> away from my recent past for reasons of safety, especially since my I'm not
> very far removed from my adventures.
>
> This goes against my spiritual training. Or maybe I just must work on my
> shadows in the healthiest way possible. I'm confused.
>
> Dave Seaman
>



-- 
Monique Colver