TheBanyanTree: Breaking Up is Hard to Do

[Margaret R. Kramer]

What happened to the summer?  It seems like it was just getting started and
now it’s August and time to squeeze in any last minute summer activities
before it begins to cool down and fall starts pushing its way in.

My garden is doing very well this year.  After two summers of working two
jobs, it’s great to have a summer where I actually have time in the evenings
to do stuff.  I’ve been keeping up with the weeding.  I harvested my first
tomato yesterday.  We’ve been eating fresh broccoli.  And the green peppers
are getting large.  We’ve had the right amount of rain and heat this summer
and everyone’s gardens are flourishing.

With the humidity, are numerous hot flashes for me.  I’m so sick of them.  I
had a routine exam with my physician and she gave me some recommendations;
black cohash (remifemin), soy, and progesterone cream.  

I rarely use air conditioning, so my house is warm and then I get a sweaty
glow or just plain sweaty.  But I like being warm.  My body feels so funny
and cold when I’m in air conditioning.

Speaking of routine exams, my blood pressure is 118/62 and my resting pulse
is 64.  I’ll know the results of my blood tests in a week or so.  I have a
mammogram scheduled for tomorrow and a bone density test scheduled for later
this month.

I had an eye exam yesterday so I can get new glasses and my eyes are fine.

I spent most of July consumed with my online relationship.  Frank’s text
messages and phone calls were becoming more distant and we were chatting
more like friends than lovers.  Then one Sunday morning, I got an email from
him indicating he wanted to break off our relationship.

I thought about it for a day and then answered back that it was OK to break
up, because we were more like friends anyway.  I cancelled the flight to St.
Louis.

A couple of days later, I got a text message from Frank, apologizing and
asking my forgiveness, and asking if we could resume our relationship.  OK,
I told him, OK.

During this period of time, Joe and I got back together.  Yes, I hear the
collective groan.  But, honestly, he is so different.  It’s like the last
two years happened, but we’ve moved on or something.  We act towards each
other the way we should have acted two years ago.

Maybe we had to digest through our spouses’ deaths and my working all the
time and all our other various crises or maybe we had to see other people
just to realize the grass is not always greener.  I don’t know, but whatever
it is, we’re like totally two different people.

I did the double-life thing, hanging out with Joe and being online with
Frank.  Neither knew about the other, but it was getting more and more
uncomfortable.  I had to make a choice eventually.  And I hate being
dishonest.

All of a sudden, Frank started getting real romantic again.  Our phone calls
were long once more , an hour instead of the usual short 20 minutes, we sent
each other more text messages, and he began sending me romantic emails
again.

Meanwhile, Joe and I were spending every night together.  Joe started
driving me to and from work again.  Joe and I were cooking together on
weekend nights.

I felt really creepy saying, “I love you” to two different people.

Frank sent me roses yesterday as a last ditch effort to get me to come to St
Louis.  Gosh, I felt just terrible.  I wrote up a list of both guys and
wrote out the pros and cons.  Joe wins because he’s physically here and I
already have a two year history with him.

And with no joy whatsoever, I told Frank about Joe.  You can imagine the
conversation was short and curt.  “Good-bye” was what he said and we both
hung up.  I felt relieved, but very sad.  I hated doing it.  I’ve been
dumped and I know it’s a horrible feeling.  I wish I could split up into two
people and have both of them.

Frank and I had talked every day since May 15th.  We got through his
hospitalization for atrial fibrillation.  We talked about our jobs.  I never
talked to anyone in depth about my job before.  He loved my dogs, especially
Axel.  During our “friend-like” period, he was like my best friend.  I’m
going to miss him a lot.

So now I’m going forward with Joe.  I sure hope I made the right decision.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
www.linkedin.com/in/margaretkramer

Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.   
-Lorraine Hansberry, A Raisin in the Sun