TheBanyanTree: Comments/Critique

[Theta Brentnall]

I have always looked forward to your tales of your adventures in 
far-away places, Pat.  You have so many good stories of your time in 
Guatemala that I think you should include those, too.  Starting with 
China is kind of beginning in the middle of the story - What happened in 
your life all those years ago that made you even think about going to 
Guatemala to help with these children?  What happened along the way to 
your marriage?  What were the experiences in Guatemala that made you 
want to continue doing it?  I think you need to expand your vision about 
the story.  I know that the China experience is more immediate to you, 
but it needs some foundation.  Of course I'm saying this, knowing that 
there is all that rich past to relate, but starting with China feels 
like taking a plunge into ice water if the reader doesn't know more 
about what you experienced that lead you up to this.

I anticipate more good stories.

Theta

On 4/6/2010 9:39 AM, Pat M wrote:
> Hi all,
>
> Well, I've finally started writing again and have also joined a local
> writers' group. I'm going to write a book.  Here is the introduction or
> first installment. If anyone has the time, please let me know if any parts
> are confusing or awkward.  Any suggestions to improve it will be greatly
> appreciated.  Thanks.  I realize this isn't the venue for my request, and of
> course, there is no obligation to even read it let alone comment on it.
>
> Thanks!
>
>