TheBanyanTree: Happy Thanksgiving!

[Margaret R. Kramer]

Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from
us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and
shows itself in deeds.  ~Theodore Roosevelt

Axel the beagle is a seemingly very mild mannered, sweet, and loving dog.
But once in a while something happens to him at night.  It’s not because of
the full or new moon.  It’s not because the temperatures haven’t been below
freezing for several days.

At night, his personality can change into a homicidal maniac, a serial
killer who knows no bounds.  When he sees a furry rabbit, he suddenly turns
from a sweet, docile dog into a dog that is almost unrecognizable.  He
pounces on that rabbit.  He drives his teeth into its neck and kills it.

And then, because he has the whole night ahead him, he calmly begins to eat
the poor bunny.

I knew he had killed one last night, because he didn’t want to come into the
house.  Then he bugged me all night while I was sleeping, which is totally
unlike him, to let him outside, so he could finish off the rabbit and leave
nothing behind but bones.

Before I let him outside in the morning, I went out into the yard, and
picked up the rabbit.  It was a small rabbit, a baby.  It was a baby that
couldn’t get away from the homicidal beagle in time and it paid the price.
When I found the rabbit, it looked like Axel was in the process of chewing
off the head.  The body was frozen solid.  

I picked it up and put it in a garbage bag.  And that was that.  

Well, this is my second Thanksgiving without Ray.  It doesn’t really get any
easier.  Holidays are time markers, and Thanksgiving is an easy time marker
to remember, because it’s without stress for the most part.  It’s always
been a calm holiday in our family, so it’s a simple matter to have the time
to reflect on who isn’t here.

Susan’s parents invited us over.  At first, I was going to miss cooking.  I
love the smell of turkey roasting in the oven.  I love preparing the
dressing.  The salads.  The pies.  And all the trimmings.  I love setting an
elegant Thanksgiving table with my china and silver.

But it was nice not to have to do all that work that this year and have
someone else do it and do the clean up.

So, off we went.  The meal was excellent.  The company was wonderful with
lively conversation.  The boys behaved well.  It was a good Thanksgiving.
Of course, Ray was there.  I could smell him as we were driving to their
home.  He always enjoyed Susan’s parents and they enjoyed him.

Sometimes it’s difficult for me to be around married couples.  Ray and I
were hitting our stride as an older couple.  We knew instinctively how to
entertain, how to prepare meals together, and how to clean up together.  We
were melding as a team.  

When I see other older married couples, it tugs at my heart, because I miss
being part of a team; working together instead of alone.  Two people
thinking as one.

I wonder if I’ll have that feeling again.  Or will I always be alone.

At least, this year, I didn’t feel so single.  Last year, I felt like the
old widowed grandma, who everyone feels sorry for, because she doesn’t have
a husband.  I unexpectedly found that this year, I’m back to myself, not the
old widowed crone of last year.  I’m back to myself as a single, but not as
a couple.  Watching Susan’s parents work together wasn’t so agonizing for me
this year.  I was more relaxed and self-confident than I usually am.

Maybe that’s because I exercised in the morning.  I didn’t exercise for a
week, because Joe and I went up to the North Shore for a few days.  I did
some hiking and pushed my poor arthritic knees to the limit.  I rested them
when I got back to town.

I went to the gym for the first since our trip this morning and it was
exciting, because our local gym was renovated, and it’s absolutely
beautiful!  It was fun to work out in such a nice place.  They added several
group fitness studios, have a special stretching area, expanded the cardio
space, and revamped the locker rooms.  It was wonderful.  Plus, I added
Christmas music to my iPod, so I was able to get into an early Christmas
mood while sweating on the cross trainer.

There’s nothing new on the job front.  I didn’t get the two jobs that I
interviewed for in the past couple weeks.  But I have some irons in the
fire, I just have to keep fanning them.  I get very discouraged and then I
just get back to it.  I can’t afford to have too many pity parties, can I?

I’m thankful for being so fortunate to have Ray in my life as long as I did
(although it wasn’t long enough).  I’m thankful for my family.  I’m thankful
that I have a part-time job, that’s better than no job at all.  I’m thankful
I have some money in the bank, so I don’t feel totally destitute.  I’m
thankful I have Joe in my life, even though we’re not well matched
romantically, he’s my friend and I lean on him a lot.

I’m thankful for my cat, September, and my dog, Shadow, and of course, the
homicidal beagle with the sweet exterior, Axel.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com
www.linkedin.com/in/margaretkramer

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are
conscious of our treasures. 
-Thornton Wilder