TheBanyanTree: Fwd: April 2009 - 2

[Pat M]

After Spring Festival, fourteen new children arrived at the orphanage and
the number of girls in the dorm jumped to 33.  There are two little
ones—four year olds—and both have siblings here.  One of them is having a
very hard time adjusting to living without her mother.  She cries often and
does not stop until she has exhausted herself.  In fact, as I write this, I
hear her wailing. She’s angry and she says cruel things to her older sister
and berates their mother, but no wonder.  Her mother isn’t dead or mentally
ill; she was widowed and has abandoned her 3 daughters in order to have
another relationship.  It seems common here.  In China, girls are not valued
the same as boys. Girls are often aborted or abandoned so a couple can try
for a son. A son will carry on the family name, and in rural areas like
Pingguo, a son is wanted to work the fields. I have visited several regions
where the absence of girls is visibly noticeable. In fact, in some parts of
the country, boys outnumber girls 3 to 1.  I can’t help but wonder about the
problems that will occur when all these boys become men who can’t find
wives.

Last year my Chinese friend, Frank in Xi’an told me about his situation.
He’d married young, and he and his wife had a daughter. There were many
problems, they divorced and his wife left their daughter with him. Frank had
recently remarried and his second wife was pregnant. He told me that his
daughter lived with his mother in another city and his new wife did not know
he’d been married before or that he had a daughter. He didn’t want either
his current wife or his ex-wife to find out about each other.  He thought
his second wife might not have married him had she known he was married
before. His first wife still saw their daughter occasionally and he felt
she’d be very angry he had remarried and might take her anger out on their
daughter.  It was and still is very bewildering to me. I can’t understand
how anyone, especially someone I liked and respected, could live with so
many secrets.

It’s obvious how uneducated most Chinese are with respect to health issues,
diet and so much more. Initially, it didn’t occur to me that the
people wouldn’t know some of the things that are common knowledge in the
west, but an incident recently highlighted just how limited their knowledge
is.

One evening, I was roughhousing with the girls in the dorm when one
over-zealous 12-year-old girl I call Natalie grabbed hold of some aerosol
air freshener (that I didn’t even know we had) and sprayed it in my face
just as I was inhaling.
I said, “Bu hao (that’s not good),” and frowned. Instead of showing any
regret she planted her hands on her hips and screamed, “Hao, hao (it’s
good).”  I was talking about health effects and she was talking about the
smell.

My nose and throat burned. For once, I was grateful I was wearing glasses;
if I hadn’t been, my eyes would have been burned too.  Pingguo’s air is
polluted because of the huge aluminum factory here; I still cough at times
and the last thing I needed was another toxin in my lungs.

I realized Natalie didn’t know that breathing air freshener directly into
one’s lungs is harmful to the body or that it would burn the eyes. It
occurred to me then that Jessica, the 20-year-old worker who lives in the
dorm with the girls, didn’t know either or she would have warned the girls
about it.

Angrily, I grabbed the aerosol can out of Natalie’s hands, strode into my
room and put it on top of the bookcase. Natalie and several children
followed and asked for it but I refused to give it.

It was important enough to make an issue about it as it involved the
children’s safety. If someone received a shot of air freshener in the eye,
it could cause serious damage.

I found Peter and explained what happened.  Later he and Natalie arrived at
my room.

“Please tell them that it is bad for the body,” I said. "Tell them it's not
a toy. If it was sprayed in a child's eye it could cause serious damage."

Jessica arrived and Peter spoke with her. She apologized to me but I saw no
light of understanding in her eyes to let me know that Peter had adequately
explained why I was upset.  Natalie remained unrepentant.

Again, I said, “Please tell them air freshener is not a toy. My nose and
throat are burning.”

Natalie refused to admit she had done anything wrong. Peter became very
angry and suddenly swatted her across the face—not hard, more like a flick
of the wrist—but it shocked her and her eyes filled with tears.

 I knew Natalie hadn’t acted out of malice but I was angry because she
hadn’t shown any respect or regret when I said, “Bu hao (not good).”
Regardless,
I don’t believe in hitting, but it wasn’t the time to speak with Peter about
it.

Peter sent her off and a few minutes later she returned with the new leader,
Timothy. She was bawling like a baby. (That is one of the cultural
differences I’ve noticed here. When someone cries, they don’t hide it or
hold back; they weep from their core and don’t care who sees them.)

“I’m sorry, Auntie,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry, Auntie.”

“It’s okay,” I said and patted her shoulder. With that, she left, climbed
onto her top bunk, and buried herself beneath the bedding.

The whole episode was upsetting and had an unsatisfactory conclusion because
of the language barrier. After the new leader left, several older girls
tried to talk to me about it. I didn’t know what they were saying, nor could
I explain myself.
Alex told me the next day that Jessica and the girls didn’t understand why I
was upset and maybe they didn’t like me anymore. Well, I could deal with
that if it saved a child from getting a blast of air freshener in the face.
This isn't an isolated event, either. I see the villagers in the fields
around the orphanage spraying their crops with who-knows-what insecticide
(DDT?), and they aren’t wearing face masks. Grandfather here at the
orphanage uses paint that I suspect has lead in it.  Because of the lack of
access to education and information, most people simply don’t know the
risks. The incident made me realize how lack of knowledge is the precursor
to many problems.

-- 
Pat

Pingguo China 2008 photos can be viewed at
http://picasaweb.google.com/Ms.Pat.Martin/Pingguo#