TheBanyanTree: The Woofess is Famous..err Infamous, maybe...

[Woofie]

Hello nutters,

  Today I was reclined - stretched out - an habitual pose for the
  Woofess - on one of them fantastic gas operated chairs they stick you in at
  the Blood Bank. I was waiting for the next nurse to attempt to find
  a vein in me right fore limb.

  The Woofess has been donating blood since her youth (no folks -
  unfortunately it is not a paying concern in Orstralia, but they do
  give you a cup of tea and a snack afterwards). Every three months
  she dutifully trots up to have a pint of her Royal Blood drawn off.

  Every three months the same, interminable saga is played out.

  "Which arm do you prefer?" asks the poor nurse who has drawn the
  short straw.

  "I have no preference," I always reply, "But you folk do, as you can
  only ever find a suitable vein in my right arm."

  The poor nurse spends the next 10 mins or so, hunting for a vein.

  "I am sorry, he or she replies, "I can't find one. I will have to
  get someone senior to do you."

  I wait until "someone more senior" is available to find a vein.

  "Somebody more senior" eventually arrives and the whole saga is
  repeated, wherein the Woofess has to give her name and date of birth
  (that is because "Someone More Senior" did not fill out my
  paperwork and has to prove I am who I think I am). The tourniquet
  thingy is pumped up again and I have to squeeze the rubber stress
  ball thingy while "Someone More Senior" hunts around for that sneaky
  vein. The stress ball thingies are rather unique..actually they are
  always unique...today I had a bright yellow rubber rain drop with a
  happy face on it..I wonder where they get them from?!!

  "Somebody More Senior" today was a rather cute male nurse...in fact
  I was rather emjoying his massaging of me right fore limb..I nearly
  suggested he start on me neck next, but I controlled meself.

  Alas, after 10 or more minutes, he too admitted defeat:

  "I will have to get someone more senior..."

  An hour or so later, I finally reached the top of the chain
  again...the El Supremo - the Supreme Blood Bank Being, was finally
  called. She arrived, retinue in train and asked my name and date of
  birth...

  YOU WOULD BLOODY WELL THINK SHE KNEW ME BY NOW!!

  She pokes around and with a gasp of satisfaction shoves the needle
  almost through one side and out the other:

  "Ahh..it is in deep, but flowing well," she said happily.

  Which, I might mention, is probably why my blood is a different
  colour to everyone else's - mine being bright red..hmmm..


  Anyways, where was I?

  Oh yeah..I was reclining in that chair, with a book in me paw, as I
  knew it would be a long visit. It was a book by a medical
  acquaintance of mine. I say acquaintance, cuz I don't converse with
  her much - she just happens to be a member of an email list I
  belong to.

  Anyways, she has just written a book about her life as a US Airforce
  flight surgeon and I bought a copy of it (You can get it from
  Amazon.com - Women aren't Supposed to Fly - Harriet A. Hall MD). I
  started reading it in the vampire chair and was reading the Preface
  part and nearly leapt up in the air and let out a roar of laughter.

  Blow me down! In the preface, she uses the term "dangly bits" for
  that unique section of the male anatomy!!!

  As the Woofess coined that term way back in the mists of Primeval
  Internet Time and unless that term came to the Woofess in a dream
  from hearing it some time in her even more primeval youth, it means
  that the Woofess has made a stamp (admittedly a wolf pawprint stamp)
  on the English language. Oh yeah, to explain - the email list to
  which the Woofess and the author belong is one that can be very
  stuffy, deadly serious and occasionally the Woofess shakes up the
  humour-impaired members with  the odd Wooferese posting.

  It appears from this that Wooferese may be infectious. I wonder if
  anyone has developed a treatment for it, yet?

  W:)
  PS...I really recommend the book..is a bloody good read:)


-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie                          mailto:woofess at iinet.net.au

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"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
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