TheBanyanTree: Mother’s Day 2008

[Monique Colver]

My mother and I have a special bond. Sure, we speak different languages, she
loves me but doesn't really like me, and vice versa, but we do have one
thing in common: I'm pretty certain, based merely on appearances, that she
gave birth to me. Now, isn't that something? I called her this morning, it
being Mother's Day and the chances I'd be wracked with guilt if I didn't
pretty damn high. I haven't heard from her in several weeks or longer, I
lose track of the time, I'm not that heavily invested in keeping track of
these things.

So I called, because I try to be a good daughter, I really do, and I did a
good job of not responding to her xenophobic comments ("No one in California
speaks my language," she'll say, seeing not a vibrant diverse state but a
region overrun with "those other people," the ones who "don't belong here,"
and I did a good job of being entertaining in my own way. Used to be, when I
was in my teens and twenties and found myself with her and her
husband/boyfriend at the time, I'd talk and entertain and be serious about
nothing, because anything is likely to cause offense, or be taken the wrong
way.

                Anyway, I did marvelously well, and everyone was happy. I
called my mother's on mother's day. I have a set of ideas about why our
relationship doesn't work, but I won't get into that now. Let's just say
she's never known how to deal with such a charming super genius for a
daughter. It's a good theory and allows me to feel better about myself
rather than feeling worse and it's the exact same problem my stepmother had,
so that takes care of that.

                And now I'm pondering something she said. The conversation
went like this:

                Mom: It's such a pleasure to hear your voice! I love talking
to you!

                Me: Good. You know, you can call me anytime too.

                Mom: Oh, you know, I don't really call anyone anymore. It's
such a wonderful surprise when I hear from you, and if I talked to you all
the time then it wouldn't be as special when I do hear from you.

                Me: Oh, okay, while thinking, "Have I just been given
permission to call once a year since that will make it REALLY SPECIAL?" Or
have I just been sideswiped by the passive aggressive queen again?

                Could be either one, I'm thinking, but I'll just look at it
as option 1. The less I call, the more "special" my calls will be, so that
will be my special gift to her. It's not as if there's a divide to breach or
anything like that, or else it's so wide I can't even see that far away.
It's all okay though. I'm pretty happy just the way things are. And I now
have permission to be a bad daughter, so it'll be more special when I am
good. Life is good!