TheBanyanTree: Take that snow and shovel it!

[Gloria]

Ohmigawd.... my body is broken.  We've received at least 10 inches of
snow and it's still snowing.  I have the greatest blonde moment laugh
for all of you ~ just don't hold these moments against me!  And please
keep in mind that I've been spoiled for at least 29 years now,
machinery is not my gig, and common sense doesn't always show up
either.  :-D  Note that if hubby Al hadn't broken his ankle on
Thanksgiving, I highly
doubt that I'd be telling this story today.

I thought I'd wait until the snow stopped (which it hasn't done yet!)
before tackling any shoveling of porches, dragging snow off of boats,
and finally starting that snowblower Al keeps talking about.  His
words:  It's so easy, Honey.  You're going to love it!  You'll wonder
why you didn't get out there sooner.  The thing drives itself.  I'm
tellin' ya, it is SO easy!  You'll see.

Okay, okay...tell me again how to get it started.

Just plug it in, lift the throttle, press the spongy button about 10
times, and then push start.  EASY.... very EASY.

Sounds easy enough.  Where's the plug on the thing?

You'll see it.  It's right under the start button.

Then we reviewed what to do with it once I got it started.  Hand
controls, two functions per hand.  Shifting, forward & reverse, 5
speeds, chute control, up/down left/right, and finally how to shut it
off when I was done.

All set to go, I bundled up and went about my business at hand.  The
first thing I had to do was find the thing.  Drag it out to where I
could get a good look at it.  I looked high, I looked low, and up
under, in between, and around anything I could see.  No plug outlet.
What does he mean EASY?  So I come in and ask again.  He told me to
get on my knees and I'd see it eye level right below the start button.
 Can't believe you can't see it, bla bla bla.

Away I go, down on my knees looking straight ahead, up, down, around,
over, under, dammit... there is no outlet!

Back in the house to ask again, and again, and maybe even again after
getting the snow off the boats and porches.   Where's the manual?  I'm
a manual kinda gal.  I actually read those things.  Al is baffled that
I cannot see the thing and offers to come help me out.  Yeah,
right...like I'm going to let him outside!  NOT!  Meanwhile, the
neighbor asks if I'd like him to plow the driveway with this quad.  I
am tempted...VERY tempted, but I tell him I have to learn to use our
snowblower.  I'm getting instructions from Al, but I'm not getting
anywhere.  Could he come and show me?  You bet, he could and he did.

The first thing he did was look the machine all over, and here's the
best line of the day, perhaps the year!  I'm sure it'll be a classic
from here on out.  I am the laughing-stock of the neighborhood and I
thank God that I am able to laugh hysterically at myself!  Ok...the
first thing he said???  Well, this is a rototiller, so it isn't going
to help you out much with the snow.  Bwahahahahahahahahah!   The
neighbor is about 32, rugged, a man's man so to speak.  I can only
wonder how he was able to say that with a straight face!  I said...
Well, no wonder!  Then I busted out laughing almost
uncontrollably.  I let him know it was okay for him to laugh too; in
fact, I'd appreciate it if he did.  Told him I was sure he and his
buddies would have a good time with that one!!!

After I calmed down, I took interest in learning how to run the thing,
which he'd found under a blanket.  He had to tell me twice, at least.
He started it without plugging it in.  Pulled on the cord a few
times.  Muscles.  If only I had some danged muscles!!  Then away he
went and told me to come get him if I needed any help.  The first
thing I did was bury it.  So I yanked, pulled, pushed, and finally it
released and we were on our way.  I don't remember what I was
muttering under my breath.  I figured out how to put it in reverse
when need be and only almost ran myself over 3 times!  Turn the chute,
raise, lower, depending where you are.  Pull the finger-thing that
feels like a hand-brake, up to turn; one on each side...it'll take you
where you want to go.  The handles up top are pressed with the palms
to get the tines churning (that be on the left side) and the handle to
press on the right side moves you forward, unless of course, you are
in reverse.  Ohmigod.  So much to remember!  And before ya know it,
it's time to turn around or go in reverse back to where you started.

I managed to get half-way, 55 feet?, and thought I'd had enough!  Time
to move the vehicles out of the way anyway.  So I moved the Jeep (who
needs a shoveled, snow-blowed, plowed driveway anyway?  I have 4-wheel
drive!  Both vehicles!  Work & home!  However, Al doesn't see it my
way.)  Neighbor was plowing another family's driveway, and he looked
at me.  What a perfect opportunity to wave him over!  (Evil grin)  I
asked for help.  Yes, me.  Asking for help.  Bah.  But bless his
little pee-pickin' heart.... he plowed with his machine and then had
fun going further with the snowblower.  Guess he didn't like my
half-ass job?  I thought 12' was plenty wide enough!  Oh no, not him.
Not men.  Open it all the way up!  Thank God for nice people!!!!!

I can feel my back already.  Time for a hot shower me thinks.  Then
I've got to get dinner and bla bla bla.  Whew... how do single women
manage????  Tougher than I am by about 900%!!!!!!   Just for the
record...what Al told me would take 1/2 hour, took me 3 hours....sigh.

Dreamer...always dreamin' of a kinder, gentler world for ALL