TheBanyanTree: Long Week

[Dave]

Jan. 7th, 2008 at 7:20 PM

Last week was a long week of anxiety and fear. I cut myself. I think the 
anxiety was mostly associated with the lingering head cold that wouldn't go 
away, or would dissipate and then return in full force. Sunday morning I 
woke up relieved of the anxiety, and it continued today. Common ailments 
have been almost non existent since the onset of my mental illness - or 
medications. It seems I get right to the edge of a cold, enough to become 
very irritated, and then it goes away the next day. Not this time though. 
Every month there is something new to learn.

There is also the feeling that I'm on the edge of a depression episode, but 
it just doesn't rise to the surface. That should be a good thing, 
clinically. But I worry about the parts of me that are suppressed by 
medication. I don't run the gamete of emotions that I once did. That should 
be a good thing too, until I can fully manage my feeling. I dislike feelings 
really. Which probably is why I find myself in this current state.

Dave