TheBanyanTree: Lunch

[Monique Colver]

I searched for a safe place to have lunch today. One would think this would
be an easy task. I am, after all, in a metropolitan area, with access to a
vehicle that runs pretty well and a vague idea of where I am. One would be
wrong, of course, because one would not take into account the various
inadequacies of my search abilities. 

            First of all, I forget where things are. I have a vague idea,
such as, "I think I remember that as being east . . ." but do I remember
which particular street takes me there? Not really. Then I end up on the
wrong side of town. And it's not as if I've set out with the idea of a
destination that must be met, there are no doubt many places that would meet
my particular needs. Someplace where I can sit down and someone will bring
me food and drink. Sounds simple enough. Someplace where I can sit with my
laptop and type into it while having lunch alone. But where can I go to be
alone surrounded by people where I won't feel out of place? 

            This last is difficult because there are very few places I feel
in place, among them my living room, but that's too far a drive, and there's
no one there to bring me food. I'd have to fix it myself, and that rather
defeats the whole purpose, if the purpose is to be waited on. I like being
waited on because I'm basically lazy. 

            So I travel down the wrong street while thinking to myself,
"Self, am I the only person who has such a difficult time feeding myself?
Surely it can't be just me. Of course, I can drive through a number of
places and eat in my car, but then the steering wheel interferes with my
laptop. And it's messy. And I have to balance the soft drink while not
spilling any food. Besides, it's fairly warm outside and that most certainly
is not comfortable. Especially since I'm still wearing the sweatshirt that I
threw on this morning with the two-fold purpose of 1) hiding my protruding
belly, and 2) keeping warm. While keeping warm is no longer an issue, I'm
still vaguely fat. I say vaguely because, well, it is vague, like most
weight issues. I could go in any of those fast food places, for that matter,
but the only reason to go to them at all is the ability to drive through,
and without that benefit, there's really no point. The food is bad for me,
after all, and who wants to actually sit in there and eat?

            I see many restaurants that I'm unfamiliar with, which means I
haven't been in them before and, at this rate, I won't be in them. I can't
just go in anywhere, for crying out loud, and assume that things will work
out like I want them to. What if I go someplace where the food is really
terrible? Or I find out, once I'm inside, that they don't serve me, but
expect me to fetch my own food? Have you ever fallen into one of those
places? They look rather innocent on the exterior, and then when you go in
you find out you're supposed to order at the counter, sit down, and then get
back up to get your food. And your napkins, and your beverage, and flatware,
should you need it. Bah, humbug. Besides, it's difficult to juggle all that
and a laptop too. 

            So I look for a restaurant that I know is within reasonable
distance that I've been to many times, both that one and the many others
that look exactly like it that dot the landscape like pollen in spring. I
used to mystery shop this particular restaurant, so I've been in most of
them in this geographic region. But alas . . . I forget which streets leads
there, which is something I should be ashamed to admit for I travel that way
a lot, and while I'm not on this side of town much anymore, I should still
know my way there. I take several wrong turns. Several wrong streets. If I
were in a contemplative mood, I'd compare this to my life, but I really
don't care at this point. I just want to find the freakin' restaurant - I
don't have all day, after all, I bill by the hour and the more hours I spend
driving around the fewer hours I can charge someone else for, which is not a
good thing, economically, though I do so enjoy driving around aimlessly.
It's one of my favorite hobbies.

            I do eventually stumble upon the restaurant in question, and
though it does not have wi-fi (much less free wi-fi), that's okay, because I
can amuse myself with my laptop alone, with no need for that ephemeral
Internet. Perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds is one of my more
endearing traits. The other is my belief that anyone besides myself will
find this interesting. That's it. Two endearing traits. I'd come up with
more, but it's time to get back to work, now that the lunch has been
consumed.