TheBanyanTree: This is War

[Monique Young]

I do not have positive experiences with being ill. Perhaps that's stating
the obvious, but nonetheless. Growing up, my occasional illnesses were met
with disdain or the intimation that I was faking, as if there would be any
point to such a thing. One memorable sick day lives on in my memory. I had a
horrible cold that had me so congested I could barely breathe, and so I was
told to stay in my room all day and not annoy the healthy people. I was in
high school, so I was pretty self sufficient, let me make that clear. It's
not as if I needed coddling. But at dinner, my stepmother presented herself
in my doorway with a plate of food, congratulating herself as she did so for
waiting on the obviously malingering child. Don't get me wrong. My
stepmother was a wonderful cook, back when she was capable of such things.
(I mean, when she was alive, obviously.) But I was sick and congested and
the plate of delicious enchiladas smelled to me like a concoction of toxic
sludge that had been left out too long. Were I healthy, I'm sure they would
have exceeded my expectations. In my condition, they made me nauseous, and
eating them was nigh impossible. 
	She declared me an ungrateful wench and said I shouldn't have any
dinner at all, since I wouldn't eat what she had labored over for hours,
what the rest of the family was quite enjoying. 
	Whatever. I have always carried with me the idea that me being sick
is a sign of the following:
1. Weakness on my part. Obviously.
2. A poor attitude.
3. A tendency to give in and feel sorry for myself.
	And the resulting way of dealing with illness:
1. Work through the pain.
2. Try to do as much as possible in case people forget, while one is being
ill, that one is a capable worker.
3. Err on the side of martyrdom, as it at least gives a leg to stand on when
people are critical. 

	I never said I didn't have issues, did I? 
	Anyway, so it occurs to me this morning, after a sleepless night,
that my current strategy is not working. What does one do when a strategy
does not work? Does one plug on in the hopes that time will suddenly stand
still, the earth will reverse its rotation, and what doesn't work suddenly
starts working? Well, one typically does, but one could find a better
avenue. Instead of dragging myself out of bed, which I did in the middle of
the night to keep from annoying the other occupants, I am staying put. I'm
not leaving my bed. My normal action would be to go downstairs (but I just
came upstairs at 6 am), sit on the couch, and try to imagine how much work I
could get done today, and which clients I could see, and if I couldn't see
any clients, at least I would be downstairs and therefore close to my office
in case I got the urge to tackle some of the files waiting for me. 
	That's just weird. Now that I look back on it, why would I ever want
to get out of bed? My dog is here, the well behaved one who's happy to sleep
on my feet, and the bed is comfortable, and I have my laptop so I don't lose
all connection with the outside world. No phone however -- people would just
call me and ask me questions, like where's the file on (fill in the blank),
or whatever. 
	I'm giving in. I'm on strike. I'll show my body who's in charge
here. If it doesn't want to work properly, I'll just lay here until it does.
Eventually it'll get sick of me and recover, just to spite me. Fortunately
I've achieved the noteworthy skill of keyboarding while in a horizontal
position. This keeps me from dying of boredom while on strike. Maybe I'll
finish that great American novel while I'm ensconced in my bed. One can
hope.
	My only problem may be the obtaining of food, but I'm sure once I
make my betrothed aware of my situation, he'll be accommodating. He may even
applaud my drastic action, since he's always telling me to just rest and get
better. I tell him I do rest, which is true, but I don't take to my bed and
refuse to leave it, which is a whole nother avenue that just may be
worthwhile. If it isn't, at least I'm not traveling down the same well trod
path where I get up, go do what I can, over exert myself, and still remain
sick. 
	Periodic updates may follow, or they may not. Frankly, this whole
illness thing has become quite tiresome, and I'd really like to move my life
in a different direction and forget it ever happened.

M