TheBanyanTree: Home Again

[Margaret R. Kramer]

I’m back again from another trip to Bismarck, ND.  I enjoy going there.  I
like the smallness of the capitol of North Dakota.  I like the airport with
just four gates.  I like the friendliness, and yet a little standoffishness
of the people, because they’re like Minnesotans.  The weather was also just
like ours, well below zero and a little snowstorm came through on our first
night there, so the town was colored in white.

We weren’t able to get meeting rooms at the hotel this time, so we had our
meetings on the state capitol grounds.  A couple of my co-workers come from
Atlanta, GA and they whined and cried about the cold.  Yet they brought no
gloves, no hats, or scarves, and wore thin little jackets.  What did they
expect?  Just because they were coming it was going to be warm?

Some of the Minnesotans whined about the weather, too, but I find as I get
older, the cold bothers me less or else I’ve just figured out how to dress
for it.  Minnesotans whine if the weather is cold and they whine when it’s
hot.  Minnesotans whine an awful lot.

It takes me a day or two to get back to “normal” after one of these trips.
I spend most of my time with incredibly brilliant people, our people and
also our client’s people.  My brain is racing 100 mph just to keep up with
them.  We’re also discussing things I don’t know much about, so at the same
time my brain is racing 100 mph, it’s also being asked to learn new things
at very fast forward warp speed.  Not only am I being asked to think fast,
learn fast, and work fast, I’m also being asked to be social, which is not
in this introvert’s nature.

We eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together.  Except for sleeping and a few
moments alone, we’re ALWAYS together.  Since I’m part of one of the premier
teams on this project, I’m also rubbing elbows with some of the decision
makers, and the social gatherings are great places to pick up on tidbits
about the project and other things.

But, as I’ve written before, being “on” for four straight days is difficult
for me, so when I get back home, I’m crabby, irritable, and have unrealistic
expectations of myself.  I spend a lot of time bashing myself, because I’m
not up to snuff with the rest of my team.  As I’m bashing myself, I’m also
bashing Ray, because he’s an innocent bystander and I end up dumping my
inadequacies on him.  He takes it well, though.  He seems to know I’ll put
myself back together in a couple of days.  He backs off and lets me roll
through my painful routine of re-entry.

I’m back home.  My time again is my time.  Ray and I don’t have to talk
every second when we’re together.  I don’t have to be “on.”  I don’t have to
push my sluggish brain to new heights of intellectual gymnastic perfection.
I can be a slug, which is truly my nature.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning