TheBanyanTree: On My Own

[Margaret R. Kramer]

Easter

It’s amazing how a good workout can elevate my mood.  I haven’t worked out
for two weeks!  I was going to workout when I was in Bismarck, but the power
went out in the hotel just as I was leaving my room the first morning I was
there.  Then I got a cold and didn’t workout the next two mornings.

I was buried in work when I got home and Ray was sick, so I didn’t workout
last weekend or this past week.  But I dragged myself to the club this
morning, and gosh darn it, it sure felt good!  I got to get early tomorrow
morning, no matter how little sleep I get, and go workout.  Or else, I’ll
just have to do it after work and stay at the hospital later.  I cannot let
my workouts slide again.

It’s weird to get up and not have to be quiet.  I always get up before Ray.
I turn up the heat and get the coffee brewing.  I wait for him to get up so
we can have breakfast together on the weekends.  My schedule is my own with
no Ray here.

I’m a person who loves being by herself.  People are like excess clutter to
me.  I love to read and listen to music.  I love silence.  I love doing
things when I feel like doing them and not have to negotiate through someone
else.  But there’s something I miss . . . I miss the companionship of
someone who knows me so well that we don’t have to constantly jabber in
order to communicate.  We know what the other one’s about.

I love sitting with Ray in the hospital, hold his hand, watching a baseball
game or reading.  We don’t talk much, don’t have to, but we’re talking so
much in our minds.

It’s weird to come home and only Axel and the black cat greet me at the
door.  I get things ready for the next day.  Then I slip into bed, alone,
and sleep until worries wake me up.

It’s Easter Sunday, the first holiday Ray and I have been separated.  I have
a ham in the oven and the family will come over for a very early Easter
dinner before we go to the hospital to visit with Ray.  I feel guilty not
spending every waking moment at the hospital, but there are things I need to
take care, so I try to balance my time at home and at the hospital.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com

Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life.
~S.D. Gordon