TheBanyanTree: The Clinging Vine

[Margaret R. Kramer]

My company had an unexpected lay off yesterday.  Well, it was expected in
the sense there was article about the impending lay off in the newspaper,
but it didn’t seem our office would be affected.  But it was . . .

Two of my co-workers were laid off yesterday morning.  Unfortunately, they
were two of my friends, my walking buddies, and part of the Friday lunch
group.

One of them sat on the other side of the cube wall from me.  I heard her
phone ring.  She said, “OK,” and then left.  In about five minutes she was
back with our HR person.  Our HR person watched as Marsha packed up her
desk.  It seemed like it took a long time, and while Marsha was packing her
boxes, I looked around my cube.  How much personal stuff have I brought in?
How long would it take for me to pack up my desk?

Marsha sounded like she was doing OK.  She wasn’t crying.  She was asking
questions as she packed.  It was yucky to have to listen to this.  I put on
my headphones, but they didn’t help much.  I’m sure she was in shock.  The
HR person helped her carry the boxes to the car.  And Marsha was gone – just
like that.

I had a feeling my other friend was going to be let go, too, because she did
the same type of job as Marsha, and they were “marginal employees.”  I’ll
explain that later.  I walked back to Nancy’s desk and sure enough, my old
boss was packing up all the papers.  Nancy was already gone.

It didn’t take long for the word to filter through our relatively small
office.  Our second-in-command guy gathered everybody together and made the
announcement.  I appreciated that.  My last company would do lay offs and
then acted like nothing happened.  No one was allowed to ask questions or
ask who was laid off or anything.  I think some companies forget that there
is a grieving process which goes on both sides when people are laid off.

OK, back to the “marginal employees” comment.  Nancy and Marsha were good
people, but I think they had a difficult time “getting it” at my company.  A
lot of the people I work with are really smart, but they’re also prima
donnas, and have the social skills of extinct ants.  I’ve worked there now
for two years, and it seems the survival strategy in our office is to be a
workaholic, be willing to give up personal time in times of project crisis,
get along with others, be a team player, and be fast on your feet.

Nancy, and especially Marsha, didn’t seem to fit that criteria.  Marsha was
a hypochondriac who used her fear of dying to leave early for all kinds of
doctor appointments.  Then she started leaving work early for almost any
reason.  That’s a big no-no in my office.  Plus, her work wasn’t much good.
One of my co-workers always had to re-do it.  Lately, she was snappy with
her boss, another no-no, because this woman accepts no sass.  Well, whenever
Marsha got more than two hours worth of work, she went into a panic state,
and let everybody know how stressed out she was.

OK, Marsha wasn’t the team player this little office wants – one strike
against her.  Marsha’s financial situation is a mess – the other strike.  Of
anyone in our office, and I make no claim to know everyone’s financial
situations, but Marsha’s financial situation had to be the worst.  She has a
house that she can’t sell in another state.  She does have a renter, but the
rent doesn’t cover her mortgage.  Her rent here just went up.  She makes
poor financial decisions, like putting down $1,000 on a townhome that hasn’t
been built yet and her own house hasn’t sold.  She’ll get some of that money
back, but not all.  She wanted to move this fall and had recently put down a
$500 deposit on a townhome to rent.  They told her they can’t refund her
that money, which I don’t understand, as Marsha wouldn’t have moved until
the end of October.  She buys useless stuff and she takes useless trips.
She’s been using her credit cards to cover her losses, but lately, she’s
having a difficult time making the monthly payments.  She also forgot to
write down a check in her register and then had a bunch of checks bounce.
Her checking account balance was so off-kilter that she had to wait through
a paycheck to get even again.  Her finances are a mess, partly because of
the housing situation, and partly because of her own poor judgment.

Now she’s lost her job.  I woke up worrying about her this morning.  I don’t
what I would do in that situation.  Marsha has no family here.  She’s
divorced with no children.  She wants to live and work up north where she
does have a good network of friends.  I think Marsha’s situation
demonstrates how quickly things can turn around for any one of us if there
is an illness, an unexpected financial loss, and a stupid decision.

The other part of Marsha is that she is a clinging vine.  She’s high
maintenance.  She needs a lot of attention.  I have always kept a barrier up
with her, because I knew it wouldn’t take much for me to be sucked into her
life’s crises, and then I would be mucked into them, too.  You see, women
are brought up for the most part to be caretakers and not to say “no” too
often.  And there are some women (men, too, but I’ll focus on women here)
that take advantage of this.  Marsha is a taker.  It’s give me, give me, and
give me.  Then if you don’t give her something, she bitches about it.  If
you’re a woman who has a difficult time saying “no,” then you feel guilty,
because you haven’t helped a fellow human being, even though you know that
person is a user.  It’s a vicious icky circle that we can find ourselves in
before we know it.  Marsha took advantage of this.  I took full advantage of
saying “no,” and therefore I was pelted with stinging comments.

So, in a way, I won’t miss her.  It was actually a relief in some respects
to hear her pack her boxes.  I won’t have to endure the nasty comments and
the whining whenever I made plans with other friends and family and didn’t
invite her.  I feel bad for her, but at the same time, I’m glad she’s out of
my life.

As for Nancy, she’ll be OK.  I’m sure she’s mad and upset, but she’ll bounce
back on her feet.  I know she has money saved, because she’s talked about
it.  She comes from an upper middle class family, and I’m sure they’ll help
her out if she needs it.  Her children are well established and will take
care of her if she needs them to.  Nancy makes careful financial decisions
and isn’t impulsive with her money.  Nancy was a “marginal employee,” too,
because she had a difficult time understanding our company’s business.  Like
I mentioned before, you have to be fast on your feet or you’re gone.

I’ll miss Nancy, however.  She was a name dropper, a status person, and a
very conservative Republican, but she was a good person.  I’ll see her on
Sunday when we go to the Twins game.  Marsha was supposed to go, too, in
fact, we already bought her ticket, but she informed us through another
co-worker she wasn’t going.  And to be nice, we’ll have to eat that ticket
money.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net

I am learning all the time.  The tombstone will be my diploma.
~Eartha Kitt