TheBanyanTree: Fw: Housefrau's lament

[Laura]

 Okay.  I sent this out this morning (morning for me, anyway) when I was in
a deep blue funk, but it never came through.

 

So I'm resending it.  I hate for y'all to miss out on a really fabulous DBF.

 

But I'm better now.

 

-------Original Message------- 

 

From: Laura 

Date: 05/14/06 12:26:21 

To: BanyanTree 

Subject: Housefrau's lament 

 

What is wrong with me? I don't have a clue. I'm feeling so.... I don't even
know how to describe it. Like nothing I do matters. Whatever I do gets
undone almost immediately. I have no effect on anyone's life except when I
don't do stuff. Nobody notices when all the laundry gets done and put away,
but everybody notices when it doesn't. Yeah, the kids say thanks when I make
a meal, but it's habit, not true sentiment. But if I don't make a meal, they
whine, "Where's dinner?" 

 

I have good kids, and a wonderful husband, so that's not really the problem
here, either. I'm just so... blah. That's it, I'm blah. I don't have any
motivation to do anything. I have to force myself to do the daily things
everyone has to do. I can't seem to make myself care about anything.
Everything seems like such a bother. Get up and get dressed? Too much bother
 I'll just stay in my pyjamas today. I can always make myself take care of
the dogs, they can't do any of the important stuff by themselves (no thumbs)
 Maybe that's it - maybe it's because I feel useless except for the drudgery
stuff. I want to have something to do that MEANS something. I want to save a
life, invent something important, be remembered by someone for something
besides the fact that my bathroom was always clean. 

 

I can hear it now at my funeral. "Yup, she never accomplished anything, but
damn - her bathrooms were always so CLEAN!" 

 

<sigh> 

 

I have friends who have called or emailed me. I haven't written them or
called back. It's too much trouble. If I call them back, I'll have to
interact with them, and try to pretend like I care about the gossip. And
right now, I really don't care about anything. Well, I care about my family
and my pets, but I don't care if the cat has just hacked up a hairball on
the carpet downstairs. I never go down there, let someone else clean it up.
I don't care that my friend's puppies are eating solid food now. I don't
care that my car is dirty. I don't care that the yard needs mowing. Yah,
whatever, I don't care. 

 

Really. It's scary how much I don't care. 

 

But I don't care. 

 

Laura