TheBanyanTree: Strange Australian Customs

[Woofie]

  Gun nuts spend a lot of time at various government depts...it comes
  with the territory and the rabid gun nut soon becomes an expert on
  unravelling all shades of red tape.

  On friday this gun nut had to travel all the way to Freo (Fremantle
  (note there are only 2 Es, you iggerant sorts!) to visit yet another
  govt dept. This one happened to be Australian Customs. This is a
  federal dept and despite its name, it has nothing to do with
  cultural mores or customs. Like Customs' Depts elsewhere it is more
  about checking to see if that ship out there in the sea is legit or
  whether that luggage you are carrying is legit.

  Anyhows, I hadda submit this form to Customs, but I just couldn't
  fill it in. It was the most incredible gobbledy gook I has ever
  read.  I fronts up to the counter and a customs dude asks me what I
  want. I tell him I have to submit this form to Customs but that I
  can't fill it in, cuz I doan unnerstand it:

  "Hmmph!" he sez, looking at me as though he had jes caught a prize
  idjit in his alien shipping net, "There are a page of instructions
  to go with it..didn't you read them?"

  "Yes," I replies, "But they doan make sense to me, cuz I ain't a
  business in the import/export trade and none of them entries relate
  to anything I need to to complete the form for..."

  "Hmmph," he grumps at me again and then yells out, "JAN!!! Can you
  come here?"

  Jan appears. I is in luck, cuz it is the same Jan that I had been
  dealing with via phone and fax and the very same Jan that I had sent
  a written, official compliment ter her superiors about:)

  She helped me fill it out...even she, experienced as she is, had to
  keep looking things up, because a lot of the instructions was not
  relevant to me. While she was away looking up things and
  photocopying stuff, another Customs dude comes and chats ter me:

  "Look at that, will ya?" he sez ter me pointing out the window
  behind me, "They are our our latest round of recruits and they have
  just graduated.."

  I looks behind me..there is all these folks in new uniforms getting
  their pics tooked.

  "Arrgghh!" he goes on, "Look at the new tie they have
  designed...must have been some idjit public servant with nothing
  better ter do, who designed that monstrosity!"

  He did have a point..the new tie was awful..a garish diagonally
  striped blue and white tie and the stripes was real wide ones.

  "Yeah," I sez ter him, "They should wear them straw boater hats like
  Private school boys used ter wear in the 1920's..would go well wid
  them ties."

  "Yeah, he agreed and disappeared behind his desk fer a minnit and
  comes out holding another tie:

  "This is the old tie...now this is classy!!"

  He was right. The old tie was much more salubrious, with a thin red
  stripe through it.

  He points out the window again, "How the hell did he get through
  past
  selection committee? Look at his long hair!! Disgusting! Not the
  least professional looking! We are a professional agency..can't have
  fellers lookin like that!"

  The object of his wrath was a young graduate with shoulder length
  hair.

  "Err, you sure it is a feller?" I asks tentatively, "I mean it might
  be a girl.."

  "Of course it is a feller..we has jes finished training em all!" he
  tells me.

  He kept on chatting to me:

  "Actually I retired in 2003," he told me, "but one day I was havin a
  drink with some of me old workmates and I was asked ter come back
  ter work, cuz they didn't have anyone with my skills."

  I told him that the same thing had just happened to the Spouse.

  "Hey," he sez, peering at me closely, "Doan I know you? You have
  been in here afore!"

  I hastened to disabuse him of this notion, as obviously all gun nuts
  look alike..must be the permanent dusting of spent gun powder and
  lead and cadmium particles on our persons...but I digress..

  "Before I retired, I was in charge of operations at Perth Airport, "
  he continued, " I had to issue uniforms to all the new recruits
  before they could take up their duties And one day I got a new male
  recruit with hair down to his waist. I sez to him, 'I am not giving
  you a uniform until you get your hair cut, cuz there is no way you
  are working in here with hair like that!!' Unfortunately, just as I
  was telling him this, another new recruit fronts up...with long hair
  just the same as his, but she is a girl, so naturally I gave her a
  uniform. The dude with the long hair sees this and sez 'You sexist
  pig! You let her have a uniform with long hair but not me!!!' I
  looks the kid in the eye and I sez to him, 'Well, if you shave yer
  legs and sleep with me, I will let you have a uniform!' That kid got
  his hair cut!"

  There is a moral in this story, fellas...IF YOU DON'T WANT YER LEGS
  WAXED, GIT YER HAIR CUT!

  


-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie ,                         mailto:woofie at woofess.com

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"Organized people are too lazy to look for things."

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