TheBanyanTree: Take Me Home

[Rob McMonigal]

So here I am, day 2.

I think there's no going back for us now--she got her own place and was
asking if I would be at the apartment tonight or if she could get more of
her stuff out.  No problem there.  Assuming I can stop crying, this should
be about as good as a breakup can be.

I made it through work, even though it was on about 4.5 hours sleep.  Didn't
have a good day, didn't have a bad day.  Realized that I really need to take
this time to re-evaluate my situation there, too.  I'm not sure a place that
is always asking how you performed that DAY--sometimes even hour by hour--is
good for me right now.  Bad enough to be a home-life failure, getting to be
a work one, too, is a real drag.

I'm at my parents' place now, feeling very awkward and unsure of myself.  I
cooked dinner, a nifty chicken sweet/sour stir fry, with frozen vegatables.
It was quick and easy, and they seemed to like it.  I'm a good cook, a
really good cook, actually.  It would be nice to have people to cook for,
still, since when/if/when/if/when I'm on my own again, I don't anticipate
doing much in the way of fancy dinners. (When I've been on my own the last
few years, it's been canned soup or frozen things or sandwiches--no need to
spend a lot of time on just little old me.)

I keep kinda thinking about the fact that this is my life now.  I keep
worrying that I'm being a bother to my parents.  I keep trying to avoid
dwelling on the fact that it's just me now, and that it's 1997 again for me,
in many ways.  No love, isolated, frustrated.  Getting rides from my parents
because I don't have a car.  Teen/early college stuff, back again.

I'll adjust, in time.  I'll find my niche again.  I'm going to put up my
model trains and get back into shooting, a pastime I'd mostly abandoned due
to city life.  I'll start feeling more comfortable as I move back in and
have all my stuff available.  Maybe I'll see about finding a church to go to
tomorrow, though I don't know what kind.  I'm too protestant by nature for
my "native" Catholicism, and I just don't know that I can go to the same
denomination we went to together, before we stopped going.

There's another look-back--we were happier when we were a part of things
that were larger than us.  Definitely not something for me to forget, when I
build the new Rob.

Thanks for listening and replying, everyone.  Y'all are the best.

-Rob