TheBanyanTree: A crisis of confidence

[Monique]

I always have that, in new situations, at new times, with new people,
doing new things. It's the price I pay for insisting on improvements, on
change, on moving forward. At the same time I'm contemplating how to
deal with letting people go (one person that I've let go, a former
paying client on the short list of those who would be the first to go
because they pay slow and need too much, because, after all, this is a
business I'm running, not a social service agency, is telling people
that I've fired her, when the truth is, I found someone better suited
for her needs and didn't just fire her) without looking like a total
loser. Some of those people are clinging to me like fleas on a dog, and
I have the same comfort level with it as the dog does. I've told them
that I'm busy, that I'm making changes in the structure of my business
and my life, and now that the crunch month of January is over, I need to
tell those on the short list that it's bye-bye time. I'm a coward of
course. Those not on the short list get to stay of course, for now.
 
But "firing" clients is complicated by the new client - what if it
doesn't work out? What if the new client finds out I really don't know
what I'm doing? This is because I am always certain, at each new
interval of my life, that I will be found out for the imposter I am. But
I can't possibly keep the old client load and the new client, not with
me being just one person. (And that is best for everyone. That I be
singular.)
 
So what I do is: I forge ahead and assume it will work out. The people
who must go must go anyway. They sap my energy, my time, and with or
without the new client they're not worth it.