TheBanyanTree: Growth Spurt

[Pat Martin]

It has been months since I have written to the Banyan Tree.  I've been hiding in the branches, completely occupied with living.

A year ago, I had Christmas dinner with my mother for the first time in thirty years.  For those who know me, my mother violently abused me throughout my childhood (to the point that I feared for my life.)  We were estranged for 3 decades and only now have started a cautious relationship again.  Mom is sorry for what she did to me; she acknowledges she was a terrible mother, and I've moved past the bitterness to acceptance.  Would I ever completely trust her? Probably not.  But that is no longer important.  We live several hundred miles apart and now we can talk on the phone once in awhile.  We even say, "I love you," to each other. 

Last Christmas was my first as a single woman after 25 years of marriage.  Now, I approach my second Christmas on my own.  So far, I haven't felt lonely for a relationship; I haven't even considered dating. It strikes me that life is much easier now.  I'm fine on my own; it is what I need for now.

Much has changed since I last wrote the Tree.  In September I started a 4-month intensive (Masters level) Advanced TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) course at the local college.  It had been 28 years since I was a full-time student and I had forgotten how all-consuming school can be. I knew it would be a 'stretch' for me because it entailed 8 courses including a practicum teaching assignment every week, but I hadn't known my studies would take over my life.

Initially, I thought I could work and do my course, but after a month I told my employer I was unavailable.  I had hoped that I could approach my course differently than I have always done (I am a perfectionist and feel compelled to do everything I tackle to the best of my ability.)  I couldn't.  My desire to excel has nothing to do with being competitive with other students; there is something in my personality that demands I always do my best.  For the past 4 months, I've done nothing but school work.  The course was a challenge but it was worthwhile; I grew in leaps and bounds from my experiences.  I've gained confidence.  

There were 12 students in my class: 3 Canadians, 1 American, 5 Chinese, and 3 Koreans.  It was odd to have the native English speakers in the minority.  I made two good friends, young women from China, who I took hiking with me every Saturday morning.  These women have asked me to go to China to work at their newspaper:  English Weekly teaches English to the masses.  It has a circulation of 17 million people.  I am considering it, but if I go, it will be some time in the future.  In the meantime, I will likely do some proofreading for them, which I can do from Canada via email.  One of my Chinese friends, Mao, has invited me to stay at her home if I want to visit China, and I may take her up on it.  I would love to see the Great Wall as well as Emperor Qin's tomb and his 8000 + strong terracotta army (life-size figurines). 

I completed TESOL this week with top marks.  I discovered, in the words of my sponsor teacher, "You are a natural teacher, Pat."  I became very attached to my students, and they, to me. My 17 international students (from China, Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Japan, and Quebec) were a pleasure to teach and I plan to do some volunteer tutoring at the college in January.  

The neat thing about being a teacher is that you can guide students and put ideas into their minds.  I talked about looking for the good in others and created lessons around that.  I taught a lesson on "We are All the Same; We are All Different" using a Venn diagram so they could discover similarities and differences between the different cultures.  I had fun with the students!  I sat on the floor and demonstrated the lotus position and soon had half a dozen others on the floor with me.  My purpose in life is to do some good.  Teaching makes that easy.

We had a Christmas concert (the international students) last week.  I taught my class, "Don't Worry; Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin.  They sang it while doing a choreographed dance.  At the end of the song, my sponsor teacher, Shana and I danced onto the stage, too.  It was a lot of fun!!  Check out the song at  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhAjrIAFiJ0  Great song!

Next week, I am taking my daughter to Mexico for 10 nights, provided she can get home on time.  We've had crazy weather here in British Columbia.  Michelle is at university in Victoria, BC, and has a final exam on Monday evening from 7 - 10 pm.  Tuesday she has a 10 hour trip home to Castlegar, BC, that includes a ferry trip and 3 snowy, treacherous mountain passes.  The problem?  There have been terrible winds and the ferries have not been running.  The mountain roads are in bad shape from many snowstorms.  If Michelle doesn't make it on time, I'm out a lot of money.  But... Don't Worry. Be Happy, Pat; it will all work out.

In early 2007, I will be dealing with my divorce. I plan to do the paperwork myself; I have experience from working at Legal Aid some years ago.  My spouse is going to move in with his girlfriend, so it is time to separate the finances.  So far, we have kept everything together; we trust each other.  However, if he is moving in with someone, it will only be six months before she is entitled to half.  It's time for the next step, Andrew and I need to sever our ties...  Once that is sorted out, I will decide whether to go to China or back to Guatemala.  Wherever I go, I want to work with underprivileged children.  This time, I will have more to offer than my affection.  If I can teach the children English, it will open doors in the tourism industry for them.

Best wishes for a joyous Christmas season and a Happy New Year!

Pat

It's Never Too Late To Be What You Might Have Been.  
-T S Elliot