TheBanyanTree: A Bird In The Hand

[Pam North]

The problem with birds - any birds! - is that they think they're meant to
fly!!  Dag-nabbit!

My bestest friend Carla owns a parrot.   She 'inherited' it from her
mother-in-law, and it's become her forever-wherever-pal.  The bird, 'Buddy',
has his own 'travel cage', and they go everywhere together.  The bird eats
with her, craps down her shoulder, and showers with her occasionally!
Actually, the bird is quite a riot!  When Carla 'sings', the bird sings
too!  When Carla laughs, danged if that bird isn't cracking up as well!
Leave the bird alone in a room, and he's calling out, "HELLooooo", like
perhaps you've forgotten that he exists and you need to remember and come
get him!!  What kind of parrot is he?!  Oh, I dunno... some
yellow-bellied-speckled-Amazon-persimmon kind of parrot!!

Many years ago, when I first met the birdbrain, we were great pals
ourselves!  He was still owned by the mom-in-law then, and he'd step up to
my finger, hang out on my shoulder, and even give me 'kisses'.  It's when
the neurotic little butt started traveling that he became 'weird', and
that's about the time he bit my finger!!!!!  :(   Now, of course, I'm
skeered to stick my finger in his cage anymore!  Bird bites aren't much fun,
and I don't look forward to causing  myself that pain again.

So, I mostly leave Buddy alone, and just enjoy him from a distance.  I speak
to him and laugh with him, but just not up close!

On this latest visit of Carla and the bird, my son has decided to 'buddy-up'
(please forgive the pun!) to Buddy!  He's slowly built up his courage and
stuck out his finger, and finally, he's gotten the bird to sit on his
shoulder and hang out in front of the computer with him.  Carla says the
bird actually likes men more, so except for her, Charlie is the only other
person the bird will get close to.

So.  My story.  Sunday afternoon we were sitting in my garage.  I was
sitting on my van-benchseat taking a break from unpacking, and Buddy was
sitting on Carla's shoulder as she sat on my step-stool.  Then the
neighbor-chick, Emily, came over to check on our moving-in/ unpacking
status, and we started chatting with her and ignoring our feathered friend
who was just standing around on the stool himself.

And somewhere about that time, the friggin bird took off flying!!!!!  Carla
shrieked, "BUDDY!!!!!  NO!!!!!!!", and we all took off running trying to
follow the direction of the bird, and see where he would land.

He chose a pine tree across the street, in the yard of another neighbor
who's deployed.  *NEVER*, in all the eleven years that Carla has known/owned
this bird, has it *EVER* resorted to flying!!!  Oh sure, sometimes it's
feathers are clipped, and sometimes they feathers grow back, but!!, the bird
has still never tried to fly!!

But it sure did this time!!  Quaint little 'house bird' flew like it was
wild, sailing and soaring, and getting a 'bird's eye' view of the
neighborhood!

She and I tromped off across the street, her calling him as we ran.  Yep!
There he was!  Up a tree without a ladder!  We decided that I would go back
to the house and get a ladder, and get Charlie.  He was taller, he was a
tree-climber, and he was Buddy's new friend!  Except the ladder wasn't tall
enough.  So, I went and bothered my new neighbors for the ladder they'd
offered as we ran by.  This ladder was taller, but even with Charlie's six
feet and five inches, and orangutan-arm stretched upward, it wasn't enough
to reach the bird.  So, our neighbor (can we call him 'Bob' since I don't
remember??) Bob went home for a broom handle.

Charlie was to reach the broom handle up, get it to Buddy's chest, tell him
to 'step up Buddy!', and then bring the bird down after he obeyed.  Except,
of course!, that bird didn't obey!!!.... he flew off again!!!  And there we
were, two crazy ladies running in circles, calling for the bird, watching
where he flew, waiting to see where he'd go next.

He went HIGHER!!  The friggin bird flew a huge circle around our cul de sac,
and then landed back in the same tree, only another dozen feet higher!!!

Obviously, the broom handle wasn't going to work.  I'd gone home to fetch
Charlie's sneakers since his 'flip-flops' weren't so smart for tree
climbing, but after the first spider showed its wicked head (in the voice of
the Crocodile Hunter:  "Did you see the SIZE of that thing?!?!), Charlie was
down and out of the tree and resorting to calling the bird from safer
ground!!  Bless my baby's heart!!  He may be big, but a spider can bring him
to his knees!!

Okay.  New plan!  Baseballs!  What other choice did we have?!  Bob and
Charlie both went home in search of baseballs and/or tennis balls, and
Charlie came back with one of each, while Bob had three baseballs and a
football.

And there we were.  Three adults fielding balls as Charlie zinged them
upward.  Obviously the bird was NOT going to fly down on his own, and it
didn't matter how much Carla called, "Here kitty-kitty!!  Come on Buddy!!",
we were going to have to get aggressive!  Charlie tried to be gentle lest he
really did hit the bird square-on, he wouldn't hurt him, but Buddy paid
little mind.  Several balls actually skimmed his tail, but the bird stayed
high!

Then Carla's daughter Amy and her boyfriend Mike showed up.  Since Mike was
smaller, and less likely to break the fragile pine branches, we sent him up
the tree.  Barefooted!!  We took the shorter ladder and set it up in a
cleared spot, and Carla perched herself on it, calling to the bird so he
could see her clearly, and maybe even fly to her if he took off!!

Folks, we were thinking of anything and everything that could possibly bring
this bird home!!  Behind the tree, and across the ditch, was a high-fenced
yard that housed a pitt bull.  We feared Buddy would fly there, and give
himself up as lunch!  Luckily, that neighbor heard his dog barking and came
out and called the dog in.  I heard him telling somebody we were trying to
get a bird down.  I don't know HOW he knew that since we were a bunch of
folks standing under a tree, looking up, calling, 'here kitty, kitty'!!!

You see, Carla has cats.  And when she calls them at home, the bird comes!
So she was resorting to embarrassing trickery in public if it would bring
her beloved, endangered bird home to her arms!!!

Mike climbed the tree, stretching out as far as he felt the branches would
hold him.  We were tossing footballs and baseballs, and Charlie even tossed
up the broom handle.  To Mike of course!!

But no matter how high he climbed, or how much he cooed - or even CUSSED! -
the bird stood his ground!  Or perch, as it was!!  Finally, Buddy had
enough, and once again took off flying.  Did he fly to his mom?? Oh no!!  He
actually flew back *under* the tree, and landed on a utility trailer parked
underneath.  We all took off scurrying for the bird, desperate to get our
hands on it before it could fly away again, as Carla was yelling from the
rear (being the farthest away on her ladder!), 'don't touch him!  don't
scare him!!!!'.  And somehow, in the front of the pack, there I was, stopped
short, with my arms spread out, stopping traffic like I was in charge!!
Silly sight!!!

And then, as it belonged, the bird was back in Carla's arms, and she had a
death grip on his tail feathers!  (you've heard the one about closing the
barn door...?)  :)  (As soon as we got home, she went online, looking for a
feather-clipping diagram!!)

It was entertaining.  A bit scarier for Carla as she saw its life pass
before her eyes, but, all-in-all, a really interesting way to pass an hour
on a lazy Sunday afternoon!!  Not that we'd want to do it again anytime
soon!  Nor is it something that my new neighbors are likely to forget
anytime at all!!

Pam