TheBanyanTree: I'm NOT CHUCK

[Theta]

Scott Daniels wrote:
 >So twice now I've come to my office on Monday morning to find a frantic 
voice mail.


Scott, I can do you one better.  I'm not Microsoft!  Years ago we got an 
800 number for the house so the girls would have no excuse for not calling 
to check in.  (So the excuses went from "I didn't have a quarter" to "we 
were down by the lake" or "waaay up in the mountains."  Right.)  It seems 
our number has one digit different from the software registration number 
for Microsoft, so I have years of wrong numbers.  The calls fall into 
several categories.  There are the ones who immediately admit they have the 
wrong number, apologize and hang up.  And then there are the ones who admit 
it, but just hang up without an apology.  There are the ones who don't 
listen when I say they've reached a wrong number and keep on talking until 
I've said several times in an increasingly loud voice:
  "I'm not Microsoft!  You have the wrong number!"
	"Oh!  Uuuuugh.... this isn't the number for Microsoft?"
"No."
	"Oh.  Okay."  click

Now we get to my favorites-- the ones who argue with me.

"I'm not Microsoft."
	"This is the number I was given."
"The number you want is xxxx."  (After a few of these calls, I figured out 
what they really wanted.)
	"Yes.  That's what I dialed."
"No, you didn't.  You need to try again."
	"What number is this."
"One you weren't trying to reach."
	"Well, this is the number I have."
"I'm going to hang up now.  You can prove this is the number you have by 
dialing it again."

I hang up and picture the other person grimly punching in the correct 
number and reaching Microsoft, because I don't hear from him again.

And then there is the more extreme variation:

"I'm not Microsoft."
	"Yes, you are.  I dialed the right number and I want to register this 
software."
"Really, you reached a wrong number.  You need to try it again."
	"Damn it!  I don't have time to sit around all day on the phone.  I dialed 
the right number and I'm registering this software!"

(now here is where I hang up if I'm busy, but if I'm not...hehehehehe....)

~~sigh~~  "All right, you got me.  (in my best nasal telephone operator 
voice)  You've reached Microsoft registration."
(most of the time this makes them stop, think and decide to try again.  But 
there are a few...)
	"I want to register xyz software."
(and then I begin the string of questions:)
-I need your name
-address
-phone number
-the store where you bought the software
-why you chose that store
-the name of the sales clerk who sold you the software
-you don't know the answer to that one?  wasn't he wearing a name 
tag?  Didn't pay much attention to the poor, suffering wage slave just 
trying to make a living by catering to someone so insensitive that he 
doesn't even notice the poor guy's name?
-Oh, you're right.  That doesn't relate to the registration.
-Are you married?  If so, what is your spouse's name?
- Well, I'm glad you pay more attention to your spouse than the salesperson.
-Please list your children by name, age and sex.
-Will the children be using this software?  If so, would you like to be 
informed of the hidden subdirectories in the program that turn all the 
graphics into Spongebob Squarepants characters?
-Do you have any pets?
-Are you aware that owning tropical fish voids the registration of this 
software?  The salt molecules emitted into the air corrode the disk and 
change the programming.  They guys in IT just turn pale and refuse to 
discuss it when we ask about the changes.
-I'm sorry, your registration session has timed out.  You need to call and 
try again, and next time, try to talk a little faster.  ~~click~~

Now, see, I can tell that you think I made up the last half of the 
conversation.  I mean, really, no one would have hung on past the 
salesperson bit, but noooooooo.  I really, truly, made it all the way to 
the hang-up with one guy, even though he was swearing at me pretty steadily 
at me by the end.  And what made it even better, was Liz and a couple of 
her friends were sitting at the kitchen island listening to me.  They 
started off snickering quietly behind their hands, but by the time I got to 
Spongebob Squarepants, they were howling out loud so the idiot was 
responding to my crazy questions with a laugh track going on in the 
background.  You'd a thought he'd a gotten a clue.

And my all time, most cherished conversation went like this:

"Hello"
  	~~silence~~
"Helloooo??"
	"Ummm... is this a real person?"
"Yeeessssss" (with my thumb over the hang-up button)
	"Well, I obviously didn't reach Microsoft then."
we both had a good laugh about it.

Theta