TheBanyanTree: Making a cop's day:)

[Woofie]

Hello Woof's Victims,

Yesserday I accidentally sent off a test message to jes about every
address in me address book...I blame this on me email program..not
moi, of course *Sniff!!*.

Anyways,  besides alla bounced replies from addies wot was no longer
extant, a number of me old friends wrote back..folks I had not heard
from inna while...in most cases it was my fault..I have been out and
around and not having time fer email etc. In between work and other
activities I has been very busy.

Well..as you can expect, it was bleedin wunnerful ter hear from all
these old mates, even though I did not deserve them writing me. In
return fer their kindness and generosity of spirit, I has grabbed all
their email addies and they will have peace no longer:))))))))). Also,
I will reply personally to all those wot I hasn't done already:)

Yeah..right..the subject line....well..a coupla years ago one of our
mad friends (this dude is really crazy, so that is why he is our
friend:))) in between disturbing the peace in Iraq, encouraged me to
take up shooting again. This meant I met a whole new swag of wunnerful
(but crazy..sorry youse lot who this applies to...*evil cackle*)
folks.

These new friends helped me to coerce..err..I mean "ENCOURAGE" the
Spouse into taking up shooting again...OK..fer the tender hearted
amongst youse, we is talkin non animate targets!!...I mean the targets
are capable of moving all over the place, but they doan pass the test
as living critters:)).

Anyhows, since that time the Spouse and me spend most of our spare
time, scarce as that is, in the local cop shop. The reason for
this is the voluminous trails of red tape we have to deal with when
owning hand guns in Australia..also, it is even worse in Wozland, cuz
Wozland's gun laws is the strictest in Australia.

Gun sports are very un PC in Australia...there is a very strong degree
of social stigma against same, so you doan tell yer workmates wot yer
weekend sport is..one kid who is a member of our local club is not
allowed to mention all the trophies she has won when the other kids is
invited to talk about their sporting successes, because it is a real
No No at school.

So there is the Spouse and me wid our secret vice, wot we can't talk
about except ter others who share the vice and the cops who are very
sympathetic to our plight<G>

Oh yeah..I still haven't explained the subject line..Ok..OK I am
gittin to it, dammit!!

On Wed I comes home from work and the Spouse tells me there is a
message on our phone from the local police station....this cop sez she
has some letters to serve me!!

OK..major sweat time, here , folks!!! The word "serve" in this context
usually means nasty things like "summons" etc, right?!!!!   Said cop
sez I can come in and see em or they will come ter me house..arggghhh!

As it was too late to phone the cops back I spent the night sweating
and hyperventilating...I think I have a problem with authority..even
though from wracking wot's left of me geriatric brains, I didn't think
I had done anything wrong, but I felt I was in trouble...I think it
all stems from my early school years when me Grade 1 teacher, the
dreaded Mrs Strang, and the school principal (can't remember the
harpy's name) made me life a misery and gave me a continuous feeling
of abject pants' wetting terror...I think one of the worst times was
when I was summoned, by Mrs strang, ter the principal's office...was
only 5 at the time and I thot I was about ter be executed...I tell you
no terror is ever worse than this, folks!! Actually, alla principal
wanted ter see me fer was ter give me two butter balls ( butter
flavoured candy balls that came in red and yellow colours) cuz of some
essay I had writ about nuclear power..apparently no one else in the
history of that ghastly school (Called an Infants' school cuz it only
had Kindy, Grade 1 and Grade 2) of torture had ever been awarded two
butter balls, but I digress...

So there I was, hyperventilating and sweating all night (yeah  I
know.. a lot of the sweating was prolly due ter estrogen deprivation,
but I ain't gonna admit ter that and youse lot better not mention it
neither!!) and I dragged meself ter work the next day, dreading the
phone call I hadda make ter the cops...

I girds me loins at 9am and bravely makes the phone call...hey,.I can
show courage when I needs to!!

Anyways, I finally gits routed ter a relevant cop (yer has ter suffer
this routing thingy where yer gits passed from cop ter cop, even
though you has a specific cop's phone number...I think it is ter do
wid alla one way mirrors they has in our local cop shop..gits alla
cops confused as to who is who.

Anyway, said cop rustles all her papers (cops seem ter do that..I
think they learns it in cop academy) and finally tells em I jes has
ter come in and sign some letter. Said letter is ter do wid usual red
tape...

"You mean I ain't in trouble?" I squeaks at her over the phone
(everything is squeaking atm cuz I has buggered up me hearing, but
that is another story).

"Of course you ain't in trouble", she assures me, "It is just red
tape."

Folks..you ever experienced that feeling when you finds out the worst
is not gonna happen? It is sort of a fizzical bubbly thingy inside yer
body, as it relaxes inna hurry.

I mean heck..I was sure I was in trouble about summat...cops is
authority, right? and yer is allus in trouble with authority..it is one
of them laws of fizzics or wotever!

Anyways, she tells me I can come in terday or termorrer ter sign said
letter..

"But termorrer is Good Friday!" I protests, "You woan be working
then!'

"Yes I will," she sez, "We do not get public holidays.."

"That sucks!!!" I tells her.

"Yeah," she agrees, miserably.

Anyways, ter cut an interminably long story a bit shorter ( youse is
all breathing a sigh of relief, right?!!) I trots down ter the cop
shop this am ter sign said letter...it is Good Friday here, in case
yers is wondering. I happens ter catch said cop at the counter and
signs letter and hands her some choccy goodies..

"These is ter cheer you up cuz yer has ter work onna public holiday,"
I tells her...

Yer oughta seen her face, folks..it burst into this real beam of
sunshine...

"I am gonna really enjoy these," she sez smiling a really big happy
smile:)


{OK folks..I has finished now, soze yers can all breathe a sigh of
relief..especially me mate, Parky...Oh yeah..Parky..he complains about
me emails...but that is another story....]

W:)
  

-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie ,                         mailto:woofie at woofess.com

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