TheBanyanTree: Living the Dream

[Maria Gibson]

We all have a dream life.  The moments we drift alone in slumber are 
spent in another world; it is of our own making but not always of our 
own choosing.  Once upon a time I was very good about remembering what 
happened in that life while I slept but it is rare now for me to 
remember more than a snippet or just the elusive feeling of some 
emotion.  Although I can't remember the details a lot of times, I know I 
have a recurrent theme of frustration, of being thwarted from my goal.  
I first had these kinds of dreams when I was pregnant with my first 
child at the tender age of eighteen.


Before waking this morning, I was dreaming that Randy and I and RD (I 
think it was my oldest, this was a young boy so it's hard to say) were 
in a bike race which had many participants.  The race was taking place, 
at least in part, in Washington, DC, a place I have a great desire to 
move to.  Randy had the child in a kid seat behind him.  It was the kind 
of race that goes day by day with individual team times versus just who 
is first in line so that your times are cumulative from point to point 
and added up in the end to determine a winner.  While we kept going, all 
was well.  We made great time, we didn't encounter trouble and we just 
ate the road up.  Even when we had to get off and go up or down stairs, 
we were flying along.  Then we began stopping a lot and it seems it had 
a lot to do with our son on the back of Randy's bike.  It was very 
difficult to get him back in his seat and it seemed he kept goofing off 
and just holding us back.  We were burning like crazy in the sun because 
we had forgotten sunscreen.  (Funny....I just realized that in my dream, 
I am a normal size...not fat.)   Then my bike began acting up and I was 
losing my handlebars and trying to tighten them as I rode to avoid 
stopping but it wasn't working and of course when we stopped for repairs 
there was a lot of trouble getting back to the race.  Throw in some 
trouble with the directions of where to go because Randy and I couldn't 
agree on which way to proceed and, well, it was very frustrating.  I 
felt as if I was struggling alone with the problem and that no one would 
help me get us to the end.  The frustration and anger were white hot and 
had a pulse in my head as I tried to find solutions to all of the 
problems and make end runs around all of the obstacles.  No matter what 
I did or which way I turned, I could not make it happen.  Interestingly 
enough, I never gave up trying to find a solution.  No matter how angry 
or frustrated I became, I continued to try and meet the goal and finds 
ways to overcome the obstacles.



It was lonely.


I have had many dreams over the years of not being able to get to my 
destination.  Sometimes I would wake in a panic because it seemed so 
real while I was asleep.  I don't think it's rocket science to interpret 
these dreams but they hold answers I am not ready to absorb nor am I 
prepared for the consequences.  I know the dreams speak to me.  They 
shout whispers into my head but I ignore them most of the time.  I can't 
ignore them while asleep, though, and that is where they rule and dictate.


Perhaps that's why I abandoned remembering them.


Maria