TheBanyanTree: Trouble in Paradise

[Maria Gibson]

I am so angry, I feel ready to split heads.  And yet there is a part of 
me that says I have the least amount of right to be angry of all the 
people in the world.  I'm the most wrong, the biggest ass, the worst 
person.  I am so at odds with how I feel and how I should feel and what 
right I have to feel anything that I hope to God I can sleep tonight.  
It isn't going to be easy.

I was stood up.  Period.  "I'll meet ya there" never showed up.  Went 
out of his way to woo me to go, went out of his way to stop me on the 
way to my car to let me know that he got the call to confirm that 
karaoke was at his dive bar......just...went out of his way.  Seems he 
went out of his way to hurt my feelings, truthfully.  What...?  Because 
I go to a dive bar I can't have my feelings hurt?  This is the part of 
risking that cuts like a freaking knife to the heart.

I don't know what I feel, it's a long story and I have not the heart to 
tell it.  Reader's Digest version.  I talked with dude a few times and 
he was funny and intriguing.  He made comment twice about balding, I was 
forward and let him know under no circumstances did that matter, he was 
sexy and hot.  He ignored me for nearly six weeks since; in fact, I said 
something to him a few weeks back about it, like, wow, sorry that 
happened.  Then tonight, out of the blue.  Nice.  Talkative.  Charming 
again.  Intellectual.  Goes out of his way to see if karaoke is at his 
bar since I had already said I was going elsewhere.  He didn't get a 
call back until he was going out and I was on the way to my car.  
*Backed his car up* and called out me that it could be had at such and 
such place at 9:30 and I walked back to his car window and said cool, I 
gotta go to my place first and then I'll be there.

Nadda.  Nothin'.  Waited two hours and no sexy balding guy.  Went out of 
my way to have a good time anyway because I'll be damned if fun rests on 
a guy's shoulder's but, still.  Wow....my feelings are so very hurt.  I 
tried to be really super cool and mature, I am after all 42, but bump 
that shit.  I am a girl whose feelings are hurt.  I am freaking sad and 
mad and....hurt.

It happens.  It's happened before, living this lifestyle I guess it is 
probably bound to happen again, right?

Why, why, why did he do that?

Maria