TheBanyanTree: The Big Pop-Up Book of Menopause

[Monique]

Welcome to my newest non-crisis life event! 
 
I realized today that it's probably not a good day to mention to my
mother that I'm starting menopause. In menopause? Whatever. Not a good
time. She's been having a rough time since the death of my grandfather
in September. She's always insisted we can't be nearly as old as we are,
that she can't be nearly as old as she is, that we're all still young
and have our whole lives ahead of us, et cetera et cetera et cetera.
Then her dad goes and dies on her of old age, and what can that mean?
Given that he was almost 101 when he did so, does that mean she's now
officially over the hill? Damn right it does. But she excels in denial,
and I still cannot be the age I am because that would mean she is the
age she is, for better or worse. Therefore, I cannot be in THAT stage.
We'll leave that topic alone. Don't want her to get more depressed on
Thanksgiving, do we?
 
As for me, I'm what I am. There's no denying it - this is me. All those
years I thought maybe I could be a bit better, or a lot better, or I
could just be something else (which is a contradiction in terms as I
never wanted to really be anyone else) feel like wasted effort. Not
totally wasted - it's just what I was at the time, and how can that be
wasted? But now? I am what I am. I'm not perfect, I'm far from it, but
so what? I have a lifetime ahead of me still, and there's still time to
do those things I've wanted to do but haven't gotten around to yet.
Well, most of those things. I won't be birthing no babies, but in the
overall scheme of things, that's pretty minor if one subscribes to the
belief that a child is more than an extension of one's genetic material
and that it's the relationship that matters - and if one looks around at
all the children who need parents and don't have any. 
 
Time to run to the store for last minute items. This day is not
conducive to long ramblings.