TheBanyanTree: My Son: The Defeatist

[Pam North]

Is that a word?? Is it a word that means you've lost before you've begun?!
Because, I'm afraid, that is my son's attitude!
 My son is fourteen, and commonly referred to as 'The Mutant' by his friends
and schoolmates. He's at least 6'4", weighs 240+ pounds, and sports a size
15 shoe. He's not all into school, but he sure is into the sports. He's
played baseball since he was a toddler basically, and last year, in middle
school, he also played football for the first time (okay, second... he
played 'flag football' once when he was little), and he wrestled.
 The wrestling is surprising since the kid is also *incredibly* shy! He in
NO way wants to stand out, look funny, or make a spectacle of himself. Have
you ever seen those 'singlets' that wrestlers wear?! My son is still
learning to be comfortable with his 'all growed up and haired over' body,
but he's not there yet, and clothes have to be... just 'so'. Shorts have to
be long enough to cover his knees. Jeans have to be loose and baggy (but not
hanging down past his rear). And he absolutely has *NO* clue about what to
do with a GIRL for cryinoutloud!!!!
 So while he waits his turn to wrestle, he keeps on his shorts and shirt.
Only at the last minute does he disrobe, and only to wrestle. As *soon* as
he's done, the clothes come back on before he even walks to the scorer's
table! Somebody might see his armpits or chest or something!!!!
 Anyway, the 'defeatist'....
 When he wrestled last year, he did pretty good. He wrestled in the
'heavyweight' division, and every single match was a pin for him. Usually in
the first minute. (There was that one time he had to wrestle a girl, and
after getting special coaching, he had to go two rounds until he finally
just decided to grab whatever and *where*ever he needed to, because he could
NOT loose to a chick!!!!)
 He's an excellent baseball player - an experienced pitcher and
third-baseman, and a pretty consistent hitter. Football games are not much
challenge since he's so big and throws down most opponents. Ahhh... but
wrestling has been a challenge. And here comes the story....
 He made the wrestling team at the high school this year, but as a Freshman,
he doesn't plan on getting to wrestle at many meets. There are older kids in
his weight class that obviously are first pick. But he's okay with that,
happy to be on the team, and meanwhile, keeping up the workouts looking
towards baseball season this spring.
 But today they had a huge "meet" with nine or ten other schools. And *each*
kid wrestled. They divided the kids into 'varsity' and 'junior varsity', and
everybody wrestled. His first match was a 'by'... the other schools didn't
have somebody in that class to wrestle him, so it was something of an
'unchallenged win'.
 So they moved onto the second level (that's not the right word, but I can't
think - or don't know! - what the right one is) and he wrestled somebody,
and pinned them pretty quickly. No challenge.
 It was the "finals' for the 'championship' of this tournament that kicked
his mind!!! He was going to be wrestling another kid on his team! (This was
more of an 'individual' attempt so several of the finals were pitted school
against school.) And it seems that my son has already wrestled this kid
loads of times in practice and 'lost' to him! 'Did you see how BIG he is?!'
"I only beat him once and that's because he let me." (????)
 Charlie (my son) went into the ring *smiling*!!!!! Where is the
aggression?!?!?!? My 'gentle giant' went in BELIEVING that he would lose!!
And he was an easy pin!! The match lasted all of thirty seconds, with me
screaming "GET UP!", and Dave's (his competitor's) mom shouting "PIN HIM!"
from the bleacher behind me!!
 After Dave pinned Charlie, and the ref smacked the mat, I turned to Dave's
mom and high-fived her!!!
 It was a joke!!! My kid had *46* pounds on Dave!!!! My kid had AT LEAST *9*
inches on Dave!!!! And my kid didn't even make an effort!!!! He believed he
would lose, he didn't fight it, he SMILED in the ring, and he lost!!
 If it doesn't come easy, he won't put out extra effort?!?! Is that his
attitude?!? In sports?! Or life in general?! I think I've got my mom-work
cut out for me!!!!