TheBanyanTree: Making The Grade

[Pam North]

Thursday night, my son finished out his first season with the high school
football team, playing defense on the junior varsity team.
 This same son, at
six-foot-four-and-two-hundred-thirty-five-pounds-with-a-size-fifteen-foot,
is something of a 'jock'... go figure!!!! He's a real cutie (if I do say so
myself!), and extremely shy and not-so-social, but he's been playing
baseball all his life - literally! Last year he added wrestling and
football, and he's taken well to both. While my daughter's scholastic
achievement comes 'easier', his athletic achievement is more natural
 Anyway, I didn't go to that last game, since it was also the night my
daughter was being inducted in the National Honor Society. I explained to
him that I've seen loads of his games, and he has loads more to go, but this
night was a 'one-timer'. And he was okay with that. Besides, a bunch of them
had missed a practice (on a 'no school day) and the coach probably wasn't
going to be playing much so I wouldn't miss much. Cool.
 Meanwhile, wrestling season has started. Actually, a couple of days before
football season ended, but they would make special considerations for kids
between the two sports.
 The county school rules for grades (during middle school), were that a
child couldn't fail a class and still play sports. *MY* rules were that a
child couldn't get below a 'C' and still play. So last year, in middle
school, I kept him out, against his father's wishes and the Principal's
(whose office I spent a LOT of time in!!!) when he brought home a 'D'. I'd
made my 'promise', and I stood my ground. He had a 'C' in a couple of days.
 Now, in high school, the rules are changed. A kid *can* fail a course, but
only one. Fortunately, or unfortunately - depending upon whose side you're
on - MY rules are the same!!!!!! AT LEAST all 'C's', or no sports!!!!! Right
now, he's a few days from getting his first report card, and he's fearing a
'D'. Okay... at *least* one!!!! So, he knows how I feel, and how fragile his
wrestling career is this year.
 Meanwhile, I am *tired*!!! There has been football practice or a game
*every* night of the week!!!! I am looking forward to a break!!! If his
grades aren't up to par, I get my break!!!!!!
 But his father wants him to wrestle (to build up for baseball season.....).
 So, at the ceremony Thursday night, I told his dad that *he* could be in
charge!!!!! *HE* could decide about the grades, and if the boy wrestled,
*he* could be 'in charge'!!!!
 And his uneducated response?? "Well yeah... how hard it that?!"
 And my response? "Well *you* get to make sure he has a ride home
everyday!!!"
 Thought we have 'joint custody', and though we both live in the same town,
let's face it! *I* have physical custody, so all of that falls on me. Sure,
I can ask him to do something, or race around finding a warm body to do it,
but HE has the luxury of picking and choosing parenthood at his
convenience!! (Oops!! I think a little bit of bitterness just jumped out
there!!!)
 The very next afternoon, that Friday, there was evidently a wrestling
'meeting' scheduled for after school. At the same ceremony, his father asked
me if he was going. I told him I didn't know. (The kid's attitude had been
pretty iffy towards the sport and we hadn't discussed it - for all the above
reasons!!) So his dad wanted to know if he was going. *I* wanted to know if
he was picking him up afterwards if he did go. He said yes. I told him I'd
have the kid call him.
 The next morning, right before I walked out the door for work (which is
when I *always* get the day's scheduling organized - *one* day at a time!!)
I stuck my head in the bathroom while he showered, and asked if he was
going. He said no, he wasn't. I asked how he was getting home from school,
and then ducked out to go see if my daughter was bringing him home. When I
stuck my head back in the bathroom, he'd changed his mind and he *was*
going.
 Great. "Well, your dad said he'd pick you up, so make sure you call him and
let him know." "Okay."
 That very afternoon, his dad drove by as I was getting out of my car.
(Conveniently, his new girlfriend just lives around the corner!) He rolled
down his window and yelled out asking about the meeting. I told him that
yes, the child had stayed for the meeting, and that yes, the same child
would be calling him for a ride. Everything was set. Planned. Arranged.
 Meanwhile, this very same Friday evening, is also the very last football
game of the season, the last time the band seniors would play. It's
traditionally a big event. At halftime, all the band seniors are introduced,
photos are taken with their parents, and the band gives a flower to the mom.
Very fun stuff!!
 Shortly before I left for the game, my son came home and told me that he'd
ridden home with a friend who lived down the street. Cool. This same
friend's mom and I had often car pooled during wrestling season last year,
she's a neat chick, and I figured the boys had figured it out on their own.
I was wrong.
 I went to the game with a friend of mine, and shortly into the first
quarter, I left on the bleachers to go get snacks and drinks. On my way to
the concession stand, the kid's father stopped me and asked, "So what's the
deal with Charlie?" I was thinking he wanted to know why he hadn't come to
the game and I told him, "He said he was tired. He just wanted to stay home
and veg."
 But that's not why he'd asked. He wanted to know why the kid had called for
a ride so late, when he - the dad - was on his way out the door to the
football game. He told the kid 'no', he wasn't coming for him!!! And *that*
is when my child found another ride home!!
 Turns out, the 'meeting' was really full practice. And, they were having
practice again at 0800 the next morning (Saturday). And he wasn't going to
be able to take him to that either. He was going out of town to take his
girlfriend's daughter to a softball tournament since the girlfriend was
going somewhere else with another daughter to a State Track meet. Which of
course meant that he wouldn't be able to take him home afterwards either.
 And I had already committed myself to the (aforementioned - see previous
posts!) band competition volunteering!!!
 Even though I made arrangements at the ticket counter for the kid, and had
money in my pocket to hand him to go find food, the child got another ride
home so he wouldn't be stuck at the school watching bands....
 So far... this 'Father in Charge' is not working for me!! In fact, out of
three 'drop-off/pick-ups', the father is oh-for-three!!!
 Which, I think!, means that *I* am back in charge!! Which means, if the
child doesn't make my grades, wrestling season is over!!!!!! Now won't
*that* just piss off the dad!!!!!!!!!!!
 Pam