TheBanyanTree: Second Chances

[Maria Gibson]

I used to believe that parenting a two year old was a tough job.  Until 
I had a twelve year old.  And now, with a twenty-two year old, I think I 
may finally be clued into the fact that this is never going to be easy.  
There will be heartbreaks and aches and all kinds of emotional ups and 
downs.  Yeah.  Downs do come with ups sometimes....

My son and his wife are moving in.  We have rearranged the house into 
something that will more comfortably fit five adults.  We have added 
seating and niches for personal running away to. We have utilzed every 
square inch here and made a lot of physical adjustments in every room.  
We're ready.  We're ready to be a family of five and deal with all that 
comes with that.

It has been a tumultuous road, at best, with this eldest child.  The 
second time he moved out we told him he'd never be back without some 
serious life changes and we meant it.  He knew it and never even asked.  
Then we had to say no more money, we can't do it.  That was so hard.  So 
very hard.  I did write a check for medical care but somethings you just 
can't be a hardnose about.  So now they are ready to make some changes 
and we are more than ready to help them.  I've been asked if this will 
be hard.  Yeah.  It'll be hard.  Not as hard as watching them struggle 
and fail, crash and burn.  Live in the ghetto.  Get robbed every two 
weeks.  By comparison, this will be easy.  This will be a stress with a 
purpose.

One of the things I already see coming is a wondering from Allen as to 
why we are doing this.  I have tried to tell him, in a limited and 
non-lecturing way, that parents will help their kids forever if needed 
and that the unconditional love never ends.   I want him to know that he 
would get a second chance if needed and what better way than to live 
it?  I want him to see his older brother learning from mistakes and 
coping with life and making his own way.  I want him to see his older 
brother succeed with hard effort.  I want him to have the opportunity to 
respect him as a man, as a brother and as a human being. 

This second chance?  It's also a second chance for us to be a better 
parents.  I'm sure there will be issues down the road.  I don't have 
unrealistic expectations.  I do have a lot of hope.  I have a lot of 
happiness. 

I have a lot of love.

Maria