TheBanyanTree: Re: Weird Woofdenites

[Richard Ramsaur]

A professional photographer told me once that if I didn't want a photo 
dated, don't show cars or women. The point here is that women's fashions 
change and tatoos don't. Nuf said.

Richard

Woofie wrote:

>The WoofDen seems ter attract odd critters, sort of like how bees is
>attracted ter nectar and ants is attracted ter the dawgs' dinner
>bowls. Most of the non primate inhabitants is weird..fer example,
>Rusty the Bullet Dawg, who walks around carrying a slice of stale
>toast between her front teeth fer hours and days. Then there is Gonzo,
>the horse, who loves pizza, lamb curry, red wine and Mr Whippy
>icecreams. In fact Gonzo used to ambush the Mister Whippy van every
>sunday afternoon and stand at the serving hatch waiting for his
>icecream. It used to freak out the poor Mister Whippy Man.
>
>To make matters worse, it is not only the non primate inhabitants who
>are weird...it is also the primate inhabitants..ie the ones wid two
>legs wot doan have feathers. Take Spinifex Blossom fer example.
>Spinifex Blossom lives here when she is not doing wotever she does in
>the middle of the Great Sandy Desert. The Great Sandy Desert is the
>hottest place in Australia and also one of the hottest places in the
>world. Spinifex Blossom does have an excuse fer being loony, but. Her
>brain juices is prolly all fermented from the desert heat.
>
>Anyways, a few weeks ago, Spinifex Blossom  flies home from the desert
>(despite all intelligence to the contrary, she does not fly a
>broomstick) and announces....
>
>"I visited a tattoo parlour..whaddya think of me tattoo?"
>
>For some reason she had visited a tattoo parlour in Thailand whilst
>over there at one of them health farm thingies (Ain't the Woofden farm
>healthy enuff fer her??!!!). Anyways, here we was waiting fer her ter
>drop her dacks and display a tattoo of the Queen Mary orn her bum.
>However, the knickers never gort dropped and Spouse and me stood there
>waiting patiently fer her ter show us her new skin art.
>
>We waited and waited and she waited and waited and stared and stared
>at us and there was this great time lapse effect of suspended
>animation going orn....
>
>Finally Spinifex Blossom gave up waiting fer us ter react ter wotever
>we was supposed ter be reacting to, wot we had no idea wot it was
>wotever it was....
>
>"Look!" she screeches, "I has had me eyebrows tattooed!!"
>
>We stares at her eyebrows....but in vain...neither of us could see any
>flowers, hearts, devils, battleships or wotnots tattooed on her
>eyebrows.
>
>"I think they is tattooed too dark!" she wails.
>
>We looks more carefully...she had had eyebrows tattooed orn her
>eyebrows!!
>
>I jes shook me head but nodded politely, deciding it was best ter
>humour her in this state..why anyone would want to have eyebrows
>tattooed orn their eyebrows was quite beyond me limited lupine brain.
>Natchurly I subscribed it too the brain fermentation wot occurs in 140
>plus Fairyheight degrees.
>
>Over the following weeks, I would occasionally remember it and be
>stunned anew, but for the most part I would put it down to the
>expected aberrations of Woofdenites.
>
>Tonight Krazy Kiwi came over for dinner and a slide night. Krazy Kiwi
>is crazy, but her insanity is perfectly acceptable and understandable,
>because she comes from Maori stock and Maoris is all insane from
>eating humans...they all suffers from scrapie, wot is similar ter mad
>cow disease, ceptin you gits it from eating humans, not cows. When she
>is not being crazy, Krazy Kiwi is a brilliant underwater photographer.
>This means we was all looking forward ter her latest slide slow. What
>is also good is that you can git Krazy Kiwi ter put on a slide show
>iffen yer promises her a feed of potatoes. After eating humans gort
>banned, Maoris switched their allegiance ter taters, classifying
>taters as the "other white meat".
>
>Anyhows, there I was, makin dinner...a special tater dish...and Krazy
>Kiwi and Spinifex Blossom was yappin away and I jes happened ter
>overhear their conversation....
>
>"It was sooooo painful!" screeched Spinifex Blossom.
>
>"I didn't find it painful at all," replies Krazy Kiwi, "Was jes like
>lil bee stings..."
>
>"What was?" I asked, interrupting.
>
>"When I had me eyebrows tattooed," explains Krazy Kiwi.
>
>"WHEN YOU HAD YOUR EYEBROWS TATTOOED??"  I screams in amazement.
>
>"Yeah," agrees Krazy Kiwi, "When me eyelashes was done, that was a bit
>more sensitive, but not bad.,.."
>
>"YOU HAD YOUR EYEBROWS AND EYELASHES TATTOOED?" I screams even louder.
>
>"Yeah," says Krazy Kiwi, "It means I doan have to use eyeliner any
>more and folks is amazed me "mascara" doan run when I rubs me eyes!"
>
>"I DOAN BELIEVE THIS!!!!" I squawks, nearly dropping alla dinner onna
>floor!, "THIS IS FREAKIN WEIRD!!!!!!!!"
>
>Two pairs of tattooed eyebrows just stared at me in amazed
>consternation. It was as though they was sane and I was the loony one!
>
>I slapped me non tattooed eyebrows, took a deep breath, collected
>meself and served dinner. All through dinner I was thinkin ter meself
>that the whole world was wearin tattooed eyebrows and that it was all
>a global plot ter send me totally insane...gloomy paranoid thots beset
>me, even through the dessert course wot was a yummy cheesecake wot KK
>had brought.
>
>After dinner, KK organised all her bits and pieces and gort ready ter
>show her slides....we was all seating ourselves, when she lets out a
>great oath...sounded like one of them Maori war whoops and we nearly
>all fell orf our chairs....
>
>"ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" she screamed, "I FORGORT THE BLOODY
>PROJECTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>
>This was followed by lots of "eff" incantations and "I CAN'T BELIEVE I
>DROVE ALL THIS WAY AND FORGOT THE PROJECTOR! I AM LOSING MY MIND!!"
>
>"Never mind," I sez happily, "Let's wotch a movie instead..I gort
>"Connie and Carla" here.
>
>Ah yes folks...it is obvious that tattooing yer eyebrows causes yer
>brain cells ter be destroyed:)))))
>
>PS....termorrer I will post a pic of the two tattooed tarts in their
>normal weird poses....:))
>
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